I understand what you are saying, but I think she has been fairly good here. She could have just gone and left totally stuck, but she has looked into it and provided me with a solution were I am no worse off?
Yes her name is on the mortgage but she doesn't earn enough to pay it and I have always paid the mortgage, so it's no great shakes at the moment, I am being strong by keeping hold of the house, it is still the kids "home" as far as I am concerned, and if the rental she has goes wrong, they have a base which I provide.
I have really good moments were everything looks positive and I feel positive, then I'm hit by reality and I feel totally lost without them with me.
I genuinely feel that we will get back together, we love each other too much, we had a deep loving relationship, we adored each other, but life's hassles got in the way and we lost each other?
We couldn't keep our hands off each other even after being together for 15 years, but then it all went sour, mainly due to me, with stress, depression and anger.
I think the break is positive as the true feelings are still there, they are just deeply buried behind a wall that she has built as protection.
I just need to look after me, show her the changes are real and lasting and I think it will all fall back into place, if it doesn't I will be a better person for this experience.
I feel better already by just typing that down!
I have nobody to talk to about this but you guys, thanks for listening
I think you're doing fine. It is really hard to keep your footing during these times when you really need to detach.
It helped me a lot once I realized that it is not a linear process and that I would be all over the place for awhile. It helped me keep my tongue when all I wanted to do was scream.
Well, I would scream here and you are more than welcome to do the same.
You know what to do. Focus on the kids, be happy to see them, swoop them into the house, laughing (if you feel like it) with them, making plans for a fun visit, etc.
Be minimally polite to WAW, almost to the point of ignoring.
I'm not actually seeing her, I'm getting them from school, so I won't see her.
This is so hard but I have to be the dad the kids are proud of, I have paint books so they can tell me what colour they want their bedrooms painting, and next time they are here it will be done!!!
What do I do if they don't want to go back, I don't want to upset them anyfurther, but I also need to do the right thing, which is they go back with their mother and maybe tell her how they feel rather than it coming from me
I had the kids on Friday night, I picked the youngest from school and she showed me where they are living so I could get me son, it's only 500yards from where we live!!, the kids are only round the corner from me!!!
Anyway they were a little quiet at first but after an hour they were back to normal, and we had a great time.
We went shopping on Saturday to by them new beds and they picked colours for their bedrooms I'm painting.
Dropped them off and stayed in the car, wife came to the doorstep asked how they had been, just said great and left.
My son came round later in the afternoon to see mea nd stayed an hr or so.
I went out on Saturday night and had a great time with friends, bumped into wife's sister who said it was sad what has happened and and said that I need to sort myself out and then see what happens, I just said I was working on me and that I loved her sister but there was nothing I could do now, all very polite and left it at that.
Anyway picked son up this morning for football, all good, when I dropped him off my wife came out with some bedding she had and said I could use it for the kids beds, she was all chatty asking how he had done etc, she was not wearing her rings, but she also noticed, I saw her looking, that I had mine off as well!!!
Anyway it was all nice, I said thanks, and left. She will know that I was out as her sister will tell her, I'mnot bothered, I have seen my kids they are fine so all is good. Just need to look after me now!!
Mind is racing about what will happen in the future, the uncertainty is really hard to deal with.
She has been gone a week today and in review it was probably the best thing to happen, but that doesn't make it any easier when it actually drops on you.
I need to look after me, but I miss my wife, I keep thinking about how good we were, yes there were problems that we never resolved, but the love we had for each other does not just go?
I am not contacting her at all, any contact is from her, so we will see how it goes.
Any thoughts or advice is really welcomed, I need all the help I can get!!
I start re-decorating tonight so that should keep me busy for a while.
I just hope we can sort this, but I need to look after me!!
When I was out on Saturday, I got a fair bit of attention from a few women, did my confidence the world of good, but what do I do, I love my wife and want her back, but how long do you wait?
I think it's best to stay away from bars for a while, as temptation is there and it could undo all my hard work that I'm doing on me if I took somebody out for a drink and my wife found out, it would just look like I wasn't bothered.
Attention from the opposite sex is tantalizing when you're in our sitches, but really dangerous if you're not at the right place to handle it. Think of it as a concentration camp survivor, starved and emaciated. If you give them a Hershey bar, they'll puke and maybe die. You need to ease into it.
Trust me, I know how great it made you feel. I had the same thing at the apt. complex when I was touring the model apts. One of the tenants came in to talk to the property manager, and she kept looking at me like I was a piece of prime rib, and she hadn't eaten in months.
