Now Separated

[AntoniaB]

I'm in no contact right now--after he filed the papers and I went to the courthouse to be served and to turn over the separation agreement, I told him that I was unblocking him from being able to contact me because I wanted to be able to detach from him without any more "help" electronically. I figured I needed to see if I had the willpower to do so. It has been about 10-11 days. I have not contacted him; he has not contacted me. I keep thinking of how completely insane it is that it has come to this, to spend 23 years with someone and then poof, it's like I don't exist to him (I can't say he doesn't exist to me, I think about him constantly and can't seem to stop). But I also know that I haven't been nearly as stressed or crying since I began the serious no contact part of this whole thing. Like you said, twom7, I was getting a nice person some days and a demon others, and the stress of wondering what an interaction would end up like was not good for me, and I finally realized that, so that's the good side of no contact.

On the down side, I keep thinking this will be the way it is forever. No more contact ever. That just kills me. But if he's hurting me and can't do anything but hurt me, I need to learn to care about myself to stop him. He won't protect me; only I can protect me.

Anyway Sunny at some point you'll probably be in that same boat of no contact; all I can tell you is that people told me to do it for a LONG time and I tried and failed about 5 times before I finally felt that I was truly ready for it. I think in our heart we know it's the best thing for us to do but doing it is another matter. You will do it when you are ready and it is totally part of the whole protection phase and taking care of yourself.