I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[ClingingToHope]

Soleil, I hope you meant chills in a good way. I don't want to be scaring anyone.

Right after we split up I read a book by Eckhart Tolles -- The Power of Now.

He had a chapter on relationships where he said many people don't actually love their spouse, they are addicted to being in a relationship.

I've been trying to figure that one out for 18 months now. Do I really love STBXW or did I just love being married.

Once, during a fight, she said I didn't love her, I just wanted her. There's truth to that. I miss her physically way more than I do emotionally.

We were never ones to have long deep talks -- even in the beginning when we traveling together to install miniblinds -- her job.

I think we were more into the image of us. She was always the quiet type who needs the help of others to be social. I think she thought I'd fill a void for her.

I'd been infatuated with her since I was 18 and she wouldn't give me the time of day -- which just turned out to be shyness. When I was 25 and she was all of a sudden interested, my ego took over. Even though I saw warning signs I ignored them because I figured I could make anything work.

That's part of it to. I'm a fixer. I think I can make anything work. That's part of my abandonment issues from my own parent's divorce.

Soo, so much to think about.