Wife is cheating, am sad but confused?

[Truegritter]

W- I talk to him just as a friend because I cannot talk to any one else. I told her that I was the person for that. W- I can trust him, Hhe listens to me. We keep on going back to trust.

This is WAS script my friend.

Which is why you have been given very good advice here on your sitch to detach.

You know what's going on. She is not going to admit to anything. she will resist any suggestion that it is inappropriate. Her fault. You made her do it she doesn't trust you.<<<<<This is all bullsh!t but she believes this most likely.

OM is her Knight in Shining Armor right now...

And you are the oppressor keeping her from happiness.

I know I am supposed to be detaching, but for some reason I feel with her as we communicate more she opens and is more receptive to us in general. As I detach she continues to lose us.

Listen man. Normally I would swing some lumber your way. I don't know any other way to say this than to just be straight and blunt:

But <<<<<Every time you say this word you lie to yourself.

But makes you the exception?

But makes you special?

But your situation is special?

But lets you off the hook?

You are still raw from this. And you think if you can just get your W back then

it will validate you.

There is no excuse for your W's decision to have an affair.

None. A coward's choice IMO.

BUT <<<<< See how this works.

Are you going to be the victim?

Martyr?

A have a news flash for you. You were part of the problem in the demise of your M.

If your W came back right now....

Would YOU be different?

Would the M be different?

Both of you. You're best thinking got you here.

Time for some bettter thinking. Some better choices.

I know you don't see this but your W has given you a gift.

The gift of time to fix yourself.

THEN your M has a chance to be saved.

You can't start that until you detach.

Or

You can have these interactions with her and try to read her mind while she is involvved with another man...

How is that going to help?

It is nothing but painful HIL.

You think these interactions are opening her up?

To what?

An opportunity for you walk on egg shells trying to convince her you've changed and are the better option?

How is that good for YOU?

You've got to get YOU back.

Don't snoop. Don't argue. Protect yourself financially and emotionally and any other way she can cause you pain.

Water off a duck's back...Get me?

DETACH.

Your M didn't get boken in a day and it is not going to be fixed in a day.

Take a deep breath and hold on this is gonna take work.

You can do this...