Moving to the next phase of what?

[cagzmom]

My life changed almost 4 years ago. I still remember crying so hard that I would almost vomit. I still remember every stupid attempt I made to try and get him to come home. Every prayer, every plee... so much pain.

Since he left his relationship with OW #1ish has ended, he has moved on to many girlfriends and has now moved in woman #2. (I can't call her other woman because she isn't that to me.. she is just another one in a line of many since he left.)

Since leaving he has been fired from 2 jobs, but has kept the last one for awhile... I still am wondering when that will change. (if it will). He moved from the yuppie Lake area back to our town - and now wants to move about a half mile from me... to be "around our daughter more." I dont want him around.

Since he left I have been in counseling and am growing as an individual. I have dealt with issues deep within myself that I didn't even realize had held me captive for so many years.

Since he left I am no longer on any anxiety medicine (that I had been on YEARS before the bomb). My face doesn't break out in deep sores anymore and I dont pick at my face anymore. All of which went on while I was married to him.

Since he left I have bought a house, gotten money in savings and choose my own colors for decorating. (he didn't really "allow" me to decorate in the past).

But now I am in this strange place. I have changed. GOD has healed me beyond my expectations! HE has been so very faithful... but I am stuck.

Last night I went out with my neighbor. I like him. I really do. He is warm and kindhearted and gentle. He was PROUD to have me accompany him to the event. .. BUT ME? I was surprised.

I met a gal where we were... she started talking to me and right away read right into my soul. It was GOD ORDAINED. She could SEE my co-dependancy. She could SEE my insecurity. AND I DIDNT SAY anything.

We talked and since I have been pondering. What next? What am I suppose to do? Who am I suppose to be?

What next?