Back for round 2!!

[Augtan]

Helped a lot, thank you so much for replying. I totally understand what you are saying...but why do you think he comes back and when he does wants it to be exactly like when we were married if it was so bad when we were (in his mind)? Are those times when he is out of the tunnel and can see that things weren't as bad he makes them to have been in his MLC mind?

We don't really talk about the past, when I said we layed in bed talking, it was about current things, and I don't bring up the A or anything anymore at all. We talk about the kids, problems at my work, his job hunting, etc. So, that part I have down good, I didn't really think telling him all that in the IM was bringing up the past, just wanting him to know I have been there for him and will continue to...no matter what! But, now I see that you are right!

I have done the hard work and am a completely different person, a better person who reacts completely differently. Not perfect, but a million times different and that is how I slowly show him a new R with me, cause each time he comes up here and it is good, and fun, and different, he carves more. I also sent him a very flitry text yesterday morning, I know he loved it and he texted back a flirty one. Then it was just back and forth about our son's game. He lives so far away, and I know he is out there dating and looking for a relationship, also hanging around people who are in his same situation who encourage the lifestyle and make him feel "happy" for the few hours they are out partying it up. So, I know I have to just keep doing what I am doing and staying out of the spin of his little storm.

"How long am I suppose to wait for him to come back?" "How long would you want him to wait for you?" was a quote on a show the other night and it really hit home...while I am not waiting for him, I do wonder how long I will have it in the back of my mind and still consider it an option if he were to do the work necessary. Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me that I would still consider giving it another shot with him after all the awful things he has done to us (me and our kids), it would be a whole new R and I guess that is why I consider it. Also, because I love him.

A