There's no way you can obsess the way you are obsessing without her feeling it. If you are in this, it's for the long haul. Give yourself permission to breathe.
I'm sure she is. I mean, who brushes their teeth and "goes for a drive" on a Saturday night?
I know we're not supposed to "snoop," but I think you need proof, one way or another. Just find out for sure, and then say "Look, you've been lying to me, and I've decided that I no longer want to be with someone who would lie to me and treat me so poorly."
I was at the door and I just looked at her. She said, "whats that look for"?
Went up stairs and closed her door. I was fuming. I considered my goals and the consequence. I confronted her. After some CB from both, I asked her where she was, she said at the beach alone listening to the radio and thinking about things.
I said BS you were out with him. She denied it. Said she was done talking to me.
I came back upstairs and told her I was leaving, She immedietely opened her door and stood there and asked me where I was going? I said away. I said I can no longer live like this when I know there is another man involved and I cant trust her. We would work out the financial stuff next week and I was leaving.
She stood there and I could see I had her attention. I stopped and asked her should I walk out the door or is she going to open up her heart and mind so we could fix this. She came down stairs sat opposite in a chair and for the first time told me she was going through a lot of stuff, and there is no other man... he is only a friend. I told her he is more than that and pointed out all the evidence.. I told her that HAS to be resolved. She said I am too controlling and that my controlling her has led to all the fights and all the misery..
We rehashed the last 3 months etc.. and I told her I am trying to better myself and my marriage but I am the only one committed to it and she has "checked out".
She brought up the past and stated I was controlling, and disrepectful of her in front of our son because we fight and I yell. I didnt see the frequency as she does, but I can admit there were times I am and was not pleasant to be around. She said she wanted to go to counseling 10 years ago and I refused. I told her my eyes are open now. I am ready to put it all out there.
She said she committed to MC and went to the Counselors web page and confirmed she is going to go to MC with an open mind. She said she is at a fork in the road. She said she has not picked a direction.
Regarding TKD dude, I asked why he was still on FB. She said he is my friend. I said he is a barrier. She said next you will tell me no more TKD.. I told her I am not giving her an ultimatim. She said "I know you and you will".
She said I should sleep in my own house. But the decision to leave or stay was mine.
I told her since this was the first time we have really talked about any issue, I would stay for now.
Wow this sucks.
Last edited by Pensacolabroken; 10/17/1001:12 PM.
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
She thinks she loves the OM. She DID go see the OM..
You projected and showed nothing but weakness. Weakness is not attractive to women.
NEVER ask them if they were with their lover. They will always lie, deny and deflect. (which of course she did and you bought)
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I came back upstairs and told her I was leaving
(did you brush your teeth first?) You are being a drama queen. Just leave. You only walked back up there for drama. Again. That is weakness.
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I said I can no longer live like this when I know there is another man involved and I cant trust her.
You HAVE been living like this for quite some time. She knows you are weak and don't mean a word of what you say. You didn't leave did you? Nope. You are still there and still living like you say you can't and still with someone you don't trust. More drama queen nonsense. She isn't the list bit worried. She is only trying to deflect you from her interest in the OM. You are falling for it.
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I told her my eyes are open now. I am ready to put it all out there.
They are open because you lost her. Because you are desperate. Big difference in going to counseling out of desperation vs out of strength. You are not showing one bit of strength. You are actually secretly pushing her further away.
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I told her since this was the first time we have really talked about any issue, I would stay for now.
Told you you. You were just being a drama queen. You would have left and been back within an hour. That type of action is going to set you back instead of help you. Actually it should be HER that leaves and it should be YOU telling her to leave.
You allowed her to turn this all around and make it about you. This got the subject off of the OM.
You DO know she wants him and went to see him don't you? If not, then you need to wake up. Stop being in denial. He is NOT just a friend in her mind.
