i had to get me and the kids a car, thankfully honda was having a super deal with no money down, nothing, so i signed and drove off with 2 gas cards for $50, refinancing my house which will safe me some money, teaching an extra class afterschool for some extra cash, still ahven't got a phone, i will wait till everything settles down with payments to see if it is in my budget.
we continue every sun to go to the divorce recovery/single parenting. even though i am not a big believer in religion it does give me some things to sink in and try to beleive that some higher power is in charge of all of this, i just feel welcomed when i go on campus, everyone so cheery and days good morning.
they have some series of classes during the week, but there is no way for me to attend, not at this time.
i'm trying to just balance everything out with work, extra work, the kids, house etc. finanically, if i had a roommate it would be comfortable, but they has not happened yet.
i'm not going to file, #1 it is like $500 to file and then to serve him is another $100. #2 it is time he grows up and takes responsibility for what he wants.
detaching is the most difficult, take today, after i asked him what his schedule was for sat morning, he said he doesn't work till the afternoon, i said, well why aren't you at d3's practice, he says he is alseep then. i thought that since i brought it up, was not accusatory, he would have attended, but he did not. that also meant i couldn't go get my hair cut. i go to the paul mitchel school, hair cuts are $12, takes 2 hours but they have never messed up my hair. when i've gone to other places, oh ihave had to pay for it in uneven hair and all messed up.
the comment that keeps ringing in my head is he is not ready to be a father or husband, i don't think he will ever be. i think he is happy and content. he has his mother doing his laudnry cooking, cleaning, he picks kids up a few hrs later he goes to work, gets a break brings them to me and goes back to work or whatever, he has every night and weekend free with no responsibility, he doesn't have to get the kids ready, other then change s8months clothes, but i'm betting his mother does it.
i work no holidays or weekends get al ot of time off from work, he doesn't push asking to see them. it's not real responsibility, he is just a babysitter, he gets to play with the kids and taht's it.
i've asked him what he does to discipline the kids, he says, oh well with me i never have to they are always behaved, well duh, if you are around them for an hour here hour there, never consistent, don't have to drag them out of bed cranky, brush their teeth, see them when they are all get out cranky tired, also i don't think my 3 yr old is comfortable enough with him to throw a fit. he really has no clue about children. and i'm the one who has been a teacher for over 10 years, raised my niece/nephew, have d18 but i know absolutely nothing.
on monday when my niece was watching the kids, i actually sat for 5 minutes, no students, no phone, no kids and just sat, i twas a nice break.
i'm happy with the kids, we goof around, danced around, we are in our own worlds, i don't notice anyone, they usually notice us, laughing or comment on how bright they are and beautiful. i can take them to eat at chili's and roll with it, we do whatever together.
one of my coworkers made a comment, we got our flu shots and about an hour after hers her arm was killing her, so she asked me, if mine was, she said, well if jstar's hurts then we know we are not being baby's, we know she can do anything. how the heck can i not do anything.
my parents raisded me to be independent, opinionated, combined with being a military police officer and veteran, what else can be thrown at me. i've seen death on many levels, if i could only get myself back to working out 2 hrs a day, well i'd settle for 30 minutes.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
