Hi there, LostInLife - I’m sorry you are going through all of this. I’m relatively new to DB and to this site, so I’m not sure my comments are ‘correct’ in the DB manner.
It seems to me you have been doing a good job overall of not getting hooked. Like not responding the the first few texts, for example. But then...
Originally Posted By: Lostinlife
So I get another saying she won't allow me to have the boys if I don't answer, did I leave town, get into a accident?
Perhaps you felt that this was a credible threat and that you had to respond.
The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. It is likely that she is struggling with conflicting emotions and cannot ‘divide’ her heart not. Meaning that she has positive feelings for this OM and so cannot maintain positive feelings for you at the same time. Also, what is really being expressed is likely the result of a long time of unexpressed feelings that have been ‘gunny sacked.’ In other words, as difficult as it may be, don’ take even those words personally.
There is a lot on this site about the importance of boundaries. The difficulty is that it is very hard to do so when the other person doesn’t feel validated. What has worked for me in such situations is to begin by validating the her feelings, as unfair as that might seem. And the feelings being expressed are not so much in the words but what lies beneath the words. When criticism is directed at you, what is really being expressed is pain and sadness. Those are the feelings that need to be validated before she is able to hear a boundary.
