Albuquerque living

[Albuquerque]

Thanks Shantilly. Patience and time is what the MLCer needs and it sounds like you're on the right track now. Onwards and upwards.

As for me, it's been another interesting day. H called at noon and found a reason to come over. We had planned to make D a tira misu dessert this evening. He said since he was at the bank, he'd pick up some groceries and drop by the house. Once at the house, he was cheery and happy. Still quite flirty with me but since D was at home, there wasn't any heavy petting. I don't know that D knows anything other than perhaps her seeing us make out after our sushi dinner on Monday. Like my parents, I'd rather not tell her anything officially. Just let things happen. We had a pleasant lunch together and D and me had to go to a rehearsal for a play we're doing (part of our GAL). H said he'd come back over when we were done.

While at rehearsal, H texts me to tell me he was wasn't feeling well and may need to bail on the evening. He meant he wasn't feeling well psychologically so he was probably having anxiety issues. I told him that was fine and to take the time he needed. He said he felt bad about letting D down but I told him she'd understand and to take care of himself. Once home, I texted him to let him know we were home. He told me he was definitely "broken" and couldn't make it. I told him no worries. Turns out D needed to read a few books for school and left it to the last minute.

Anyhow, after that, I logged onto my computer and onto FB. I've been regularly checking whether H is still FB friends with OW. Much to my surprise, I couldn't even pull up his page. I checked a recent post of mine and saw that his comments were no longer there. It appeared he had blocked me. I briefly debated whether I should ask or not. Had this been several weeks ago where he was still in his MLC fog, I wouldn't have. But since he's made so many comments about reconciliation, wanting to be together, fixing us etc, I felt that I was entitled to at least asking why he took this step. I emailed him and asked if I could ask a personal question or if he'd prefer I ask when he was feeling better. He responded that I could ask away. Here is the transcript of our email chatter

Me - I couldn't help but notice I've been blocked on FB. Just curious as to why.

Him - You are incorrect in your observations. I deactivated my account.

Me - OK. Then curious about that. But again. If you would rather me not ask, just tell me.

Him - Because I'm going to need to significantly prune my friend list. Until certain situations fully resolve themselves, and people get over hurt feelings, I don't want a barrage of crap aired in public, especially in a forum where D can see things. I could have just gone on a defriending/blocking streak, but I was already feeling squirrelly and it was easier to do two clicks and deactivate.

It's not permanent. I can reactivate the account at any time, and everything goes back to the way it was, and I can then get to the pruning.

Me - I'm really very sorry. I know this is hard on you. Take the time you need and I hope you feel better. I'm sure you know I'm always available to chat if you need (don't worry about the time).

Him - Thank you

So I don't know if this means he's dropped the proverbial bomb on the OW or if he plans to or what. Apparently he realizes it will not be pretty or maybe there was already some backlash on FB and I didn't see it happening because I was occupied all day. Either way, I knew that it would be messy and I truly do feel bad for him. I've never had hatred for the OW and know that there probably were real feelings involved there. That he realized it wasn't the right thing to do is great, but it doesn't make it any easier on anyone.

In a way, I'm kind of glad this happened. Not because it appears he's continuing to follow through on the OW promise (although I'm pleased with that). But actually, the fact that he's still showing some of his MLC issues is kind of a relief for me in a sick twisted way. Things were going SO good that it made me scared that maybe this was someone's idea of a sick twisted joke and Dick Clark and Ed McMahon would come out and tell me I'm on "Bloopers and Practical Jokes" and there's no way H would change this fast! (I'm ignoring the fact that Ed McMahon is dead..) So a touch of reality is good.