WAW 20 years and wants out

[Virtually_Handsome]

I told her I still have respect for our marriage

ok...

I am LEANING HEAVILY into going dark and dating after the monday MC..

WHAT?

am I freaking losing my mind?

Perhaps.

Dude....
First point, this is going to take a long time. You are looking for a quick solution for a long term problem, and it isn't going to work that way.

Second, dating? Really? That's going to help? Who said that was a good plan?

Third, going dark. Might be a good idea. Not because it will change her, but because you are spinning, and you have to cut off the stimulus to yourself, in my opinion.

[MrBond]

Right now you're not thinking straight. If you want to date, then date, but don't do it because you think your W will come back.

Right now she's on the OM high. She's going to get angry and P.O'd while she detoxes. When a woman is in an A, you have to think of it like a drug addiction. They'll give it up in public and make a big show about it, but then go behind the scenes to get a fix.

Well her actions show that you are going to hear alot of "your" faults and how they caused the M to crumble if you go to that MC.

[TimeHeals]

I am LEANING HEAVILY into going dark and dating after the monday MC..

Dating? And you are angry because your wife did what?

This is that old two wrongs thing?

Or is it, "My ego is what drives me, and I am insecure, so I need a woman to like me and sleep with me and stuff so I can feel good about myself"?

One of those things hit the mark?

You can be confident, strong, and charming without the ego boost (in fact... I would suggest that is another kind of maturity).

The simple fact is that you do not need a woman in your life. In fact, unless you and she have your crap together, it's harder to have one in your life

So get your crap together.

[Pensacolabroken]

good points. Thanks for the sounding board. I DO not want to Date.. yet. I dont need any ego validation Time, I am just spinning the wheels I guess I stay on the LRT and do my 180's... maybe my reaction to asking if I should Date comes out of my anxiety about her coming up weekend..

I am sticking to my plan.. LRT. I live in the same house so this is tough.. I am involved with my Son. My plan is stick to the 180's and GAL. I am going to start going back the Gym and I am not going to explain myself to her where or when I go somewhere.. I am also going to become more unpredictable.

Pleasant but indifferent. God this Sucks..

[NotFromThesePart]

God this Sucks..

It certainly does, and it is OK to say so.

One thing, it is hard to "plan to be more unpredictable". Just GAL. If it turns out you are unpredictable, great, but that's not the point.

[Pensacolabroken]

MR Bond,

if she is detoxing as you say and that is supporting the anger, then isnt it possible she has ended the EA?

How can I monitor that?

[Pensacolabroken]

I replayed the conversation last night in my head.. I am hearing this from wife.... . - I am pissed that you told all my friends and people about the OM -

She is angry that I am "dragging her name through the mud"

Yet I have caught her repeatedly in a lies about him (text records, video of a play date with his kids and our son etc) Has to be more than a "friend".

Maybe I was on the target by exposing the EA OM.. and she is simply pissed because I nailed it and confronted the OM...

[pookie69]

I replayed the conversation last night in my head.. I am hearing this from wife.... . - I am pissed that you told all my friends and people about the OM -

She is angry that I am "dragging her name through the mud"

Yet I have caught her repeatedly in a lies about him (text records, video of a play date with his kids and our son etc) Has to be more than a "friend".

Maybe I was on the target by exposing the EA OM.. and she is simply pissed because I nailed it and confronted the OM...

You are guessing a lot here about how she feels. Has she told you the reasons in those exact words?

The truth is that she is not attracted to you right now. You are a nuisance to her and on the way of her business. She told you that you are "separated". She made that decision to justify the crap behavior. You are not a couple therefore she is free to do whatever she wants.

Believe me. I've been there and in some degree still am.

So what is your plan to become attractive again?

I know you can do it.

[Pensacolabroken]

Pook,

my plan to become attractive again is to continue the 180's and be non confrontational.

I am letting her talk and agreeing or validating.

I am not bringing up EA or any other issue. I am just being as confident as I can be considering and taking stock. not forcing any of my emotions to her and not returning hers.

I think I am working within the 180's and am on track?

[Pensacolabroken]

I got up and left this morning, she asked where I was going I said "out" I drove around a little and stopped and reread Chapter 1-4 of DR. Came home. WAW and S were at TKD clinic (after you get your belt the first weekend is TKD form training.) they returned she brought me a cheesburger from MCD's asked if I wanted to go shopping with her and son ( an activity I normally DO NOT do) Went and didnt show any CB. We spent the day together shopping and then went to get the S his holloween costume. Everything like a normal family does.. she wants us to go out to a local Greek Festival for dinner tonight and then back home for the evening.

I am just walking on the egg shells and other moments I get angry and shut up and remember the goal.. so I am sticking as best as I can for today to the 180's and LRT.