OK, I'm back. Sorry, somebody literally had a stroke.
So . . . now that I'm back, I see you're already reading the other thread and posting good insights, so ignore that.
The other thing I wanted to ask you about was the conversation/argument today. What happened? You said it started with your husband asking whether you remembered what you said last night. To what was he referring there?
Then, you say it came down to him demanding that you "make up for" not having sex last night, I think. Is that correct? What was your response to that?
I will tell you this from the HD point of view: How you decline sex makes a HUGE difference. If you're expressing your frustration with the whole situation when he asks you for sex, the way my wife was, you may be doing things like snapping at him ("Are you serious?!?" or "Do you HAVE to do that?") or even laughing at the idea of sex. It sounds like you don't do those things, but he may still be taking your refusal as a rejection of HIM, rather than declining sex.
It was a very big deal for me when I began to look at my wife's refusals as less personal; more akin to turning down someone who wants you to go to the bar tonight or go to a ball game tomorrow. It's hard for the HD spouse sometimes to remember that sex is something the LD spouse has to do with him, that it does require effort and take time even for someone who feels desire.
It really helped when she began to understand how I felt and refuse in different ways:
"I'm just too tired tonight. How about tomorrow?" "I love you so much, but I can't do it right now." "I do love you, and I do want to make love, but not tonight. How about this weekend?"
Notice sometimes she does suggest another time. That lets me know that it's not that she never wants sex with me again, just that this isn't the time. I don't like it, but I don't feel desperate or frightened. The catch is that if you do suggest another time, you're committed to it or he won't let you forget, so sometimes it's better not to do so.
From your description it sounds like he thinks that a "rain check" is implied when you say no. What do YOU think? Are you OK with that? I wouldn't like to be locked into that obligation, even as the HD spouse. If you don't either, have you told him that?
