Back for round 2!!

[MHL]

Hi Augtan,
Read this yesterday and have been thinking about your post and how to respond and I had to stop and reflect on my own M and really everyone elses M here on the boards.

For all of us, our old M is over......period.

For some others, including you, it is legally over too.

Really the only difference between the 2 examples is a piece of paper, which means more to the WAS/MLC than it does to us.

Stop holding onto a M that is dead, okay to want the person who was your spouse before the D, but do you really want the old M back? The WAS/MLCer doesn't want it back either, they may want pieces of it but over all they do not want it.

then at the end I said "19 years ago today I married and amazing man and I miss him very much, we miss and love you..all of us, if you look back you will see that I never turned my back on you and support you 100%, I hope you have a great day"

When you say this up here ^^^^^^^, This is what he hears.....

"Come back to a life, full of unhappiness, responsibility, and genral misery that you ran from a couple of years ago."

If I asked you that, what would you say? (remember this is/was his reality)

You probably wouldn't say anything b/c you would be high-tailing it outta here, right??? (remember it is his preception not yours)

Stop trying to make him remember what you had, it is over. Sorry that is harsh. When you remind him of it that equals pain and guilt for him. He knows what he did, trust me he knows, you know how I know? Because he said this.......

"Happy Anniversary",

He did not say it after you said your little diddy, he said "Thank you"........

What he was really saying was.....

"Thank you for reminding me of what I did and pretty much making me feel like crap and full of guilt the rest of the day"

The "Happy Anniversary" text you got was an attempt to aleviate the guilt you reminded him of earlier.

Making any sense????? (Sorry for the 2X4's)

What do all of you experts think?

I am glad to tell you what I think, but I am no expert I just have a different perspective on your situation than you do and so I can be more objective about it than you. Don't worry works the same way in my sitch, nice little feature of the boards, Huh?

Okay, most importantly...what I think, LOL

You have 2 things to address here and one is related to the other. The first is YOU and the second is Attracting men to YOU. (notice I said attracting MEN and not your XH, more about that in a minute)

YOU You will find that here on the MLC forum we focus on working on YOU and leave the MLC to "spin" in their own little storm and try not to get sucked in. I see from your signature you have been at this for 3 years. What have you changed in YOU during that time?

How have you made Augtan a better Augtan?

What were your H marital complaints?

What are Augtan's goals, aspirations, desires?

Who is Augtan???????

I have not read any of your thread at all (which is unusual for me) so if you have done the hard work and asked yourself the hard questions and you have grown personally.....then these questions will be easy to answer and we can skip to step 2.

STEP 2...Attracting men to YOU.

When you stop focusing on your XH and focus on you, you will in-turn become more "attractive" to any man out there. Think back to before you met your XH and what did you do to attract a man or in your case a boy (you 39 + 19 anniv. = married young....see I'm smart )

Make you a better you and think about what would make you more attractive to other men and more than likely it will attract your XH also. This is not rocket science but it is a hell of alot harder.

Treat your XH like you would any man you might be dating or trying to date. Don't do things with your XH that you wouldn't do on a date or with a man you were dating.

And above all else do not talk about the past. Do not talk about the good times the bad times, nothing. Think about it, would you talk on and on about your past with a new man?

If not then do not do it with your XH.

Here comes some more math......

NEW YOU + NEW XH = NEW RELATIONSHIP

Think about that equation.........

What can you control in that equation????

Hope this helps.

Cheers