I'm going to give you some advice now, because frankly that's what I do even when I'm not asked for advice. You may need to ignore some or all of it.
First, if you're not reading Margali's thread "Hello Hello is there anybody out there?" yet, you should be. Someone there is dealing with a similar situation from the other point of view, right down to the fact that both of you had a nice cuddly moment recently that could have turned sexual but didn't, and it caused hard feelings in both marriages. But she's your opposite; she's the one trying to get more sex from her husband. Might be interesting reading; I know that reading about how the LD spouses here feel has helped me empathize with my wife. This is even more important in a sex-starved marriage, because people tend to try to figure out why their spouses are "doing this to them" or "punishing them this way" and over time, forget that their spouse might have the best intentions and just not know how to fix the marriage.
Next, my advice on counseling is not to wait if you feel like you could benefit from it. The counselor is unlike your husband in that she's not going to be emotionally involved in what's going on, and she's unlike us on this board in that she will really know you and have a conversation with you in real time (plus, you can hope she'll be experienced, whereas we're just a bunch of other people who got fed up with our marriages.) If he won't do couples counseling, go to someone by yourself instead if you think counseling will help. He's in charge of what he does, you're in charge of what you do. In the interest of full disclosure, I say this as a man who waited. We have adoption preservation family counseling sessions aimed at helping us deal with the high-risk twins we adopted, but we weren't seeing anyone for us. I wanted us to get marriage counseling or see a sex therapist, but my wife kept putting it off. She's been prescribed anti-depressants several times and acknowledges that she suffers from depression, but she had never seen a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist for it--she just got a prescription from her general practice. I'd been thinking I would go ahead and go to someone on my own now that I have insurance, but she hit rock bottom in a way a few weeks ago and was finally convinced that she needed to go someone individually. Her IC also recommended marriage counseling, but she still says she's not comfortable with that. If things continue, I'll start my own IC until she's willing to go for marriage counseling.
