I know you all are busy people so i wont try to waste to much of your time. On labor day after a weekend of my wife and I being weird to one another, my wife decided she was going to get some of her stuff, and go to her dads house (she's 25, I'm 27). This happened one time right before we got engaged almost 3 years ago, and she left for a night then came back the next day. Just like last time she said she felt like roomates, didnt know if she loved me etc. so i let her go again. Two days after labor day we talked and she told me that back in January she had a PA (one time thing she said with a guy she knew from before we were dating) and that she wanted a divorce. I did know at the time that the two of them talked in Jan. b/c i saw it on the phone records. I confronted her at the time and she said she was sorry, said she would never talk to him again, tell him not to call, etc. etc. At the time though i only thought it might have been an EA. Since I confronted her on this everything between us seemed fine to me.
So back to when the bomb happened. After she told me about the PA i was pissed, but with reading some books instead of attacking, pleading, chasing, I pretty much went the yea, i think us divorcing is a good idea thing. I helped her move her stuff out to her dads. When she came over I acted better then fine. But within a week or two i fell into the rut of doing all of the things that this board and the book specifically says not to do. This lasted until last Sat. when after calling my wife on the phone she got mad, said she needed space like we talked about, and that me telling talking to her about us just made her feel guilty. It was then that something clicked with me. I immediately texted her and said thanks for telling me to leave you alone, i needed that. She texted back and said no she was being a bitch which i ignored. Then an hour later she texted me asking what i meant by thats what i needed which i also ignored. I had decided that we were both about to get a lot of space. Then two days later on our anniversary she calls me. Instead of answering i called her back an hour later and asked what she wanted. She said she just wanted to call and say hi and once again asked what i meant with the text from sat. and why didnt i write her back. I told her that i didnt mean anything and that i couldnt really talk right now because i was going to meet some people to watch the football game. When i said bye she said it back but in a way that she has a couple of times during the last month like she was going to cry. After i got off the phone i couldnt understand why shes calling me after just two days before she said that she needed space.
On wed. I sent her a text(I know i shouldnt have) saying that she had mail at the house and how did she want to get it. I then told her that i would just mail it to her. Yesterday, on Fri. I texted her back saying that she needed to come and get the mail, b/c i know me and im not going to make it by a post office anytime soon nor should i have to worry about getting her her mail. So at lunch time yesterday she comes up to my office and gets her mail. When she gets there I came outside and she asked me why i was dressed so nice. I told her i had a meeting at one and that i was going out after work and didnt have time to go home and change. We talked for about 20 mins. Mostly small talk, I wouldnt bring up the relationship or any of the stuff I had been doing. She apologized for putting me through all this, said i didnt deserve it and that she knew it was in her head and this and that. She mentioned me not wearing my ring anymore and i told her that i had to start living my life for me and worrying about me. I then said i needed to go and for her to take care.
I know that both of us are responsible for getting the marriage to this point. While she did do the more hurtful act I allowed myself to get into ruts with work, life, etc. We spent 99.9 percent of our time together, but looking back and also talking to her during the first month when i was asking her to come back, Issues arose about me not listening to things she wanted, like moving to another state and that i made her feel like she was just taking up space here. She also said she always felt like she had to make me do things, like propose, buy our house etc.
So where im at now is wanting to know what i should be doing. I assume that im at the lrt stage, so ive started doing it to the fullest. I know i probably spent the last 20 minutes rambling in this thread, but I have a tendency to give way to much detail so please dont hesitate to ask me about anything that you have questions about. Once again I want to think everyone just for taking the time to read this and I would appreciate any help necessary. Thanks
