Finding My Way

[Mystik]

While I am scraping by, having the money now would definitely help me. I don't have receipts for everything, but I do have account summaries from the doctors that I matched up to the charges in my bank account. I'm still unsure of where I'm going to get the $400 from to pay for the lawyer.

I know that I need to let H go. But it feels like letting go of H means letting go of any hope of him returning. Like if I don't hold on tight now I'll never have him again. It destroys me to know that six months ago he hated where he was, couldn't wait to move out of there, that he missed me. And now he's chomping at the bit to get free of me and is so happy with his life. Meanwhile I'm still here struggling to come to terms with the hell that is my life and existing day to day. I can't understand how he can be so callous to not care that he destroyed my family. My life. Me.

No one wanted me before H, and now that I'm fatter and have a kid I'm confident that no one will want me now. And I don't want anyone but H.