I just read your entire thread since I really didn't know much about your sitch. You just sounded so down on your last posts that I wanted to know what was going on.
First of all, you are a great mother and I can see that you are doing the best for your kids. I can also see that you seriously need to be able to get some rest as well as detach from your sitch. Your kids depend on you and you must stay healthy for them.
Are you still getting a car? Is your H helping with child support at all? I know you spoke with a lawyer but don't recall seeing an update on the CS. I can tell that you are cutting corners and juggling money. It really sounds as if you are wearing yourself very thin and I hope that there is a way you can get some money from him SOON. It is his responsibility and you cannot go on tiring yourself out while you try to provide for the kids singlehandedly.
As for your feelings for H, it is harder to detach when you see someone all the time. But it is not impossible. I don't think that the answer is necessarily to expect to totally stop loving the person immediately, if ever. It is possible that you will continue to love your H or what he used to be for a very long time. And at the same time acknowledge that you should not be together right now. Your H is far from ready to be a responsible father and H. I know that you see that. I also see that you have set you internal deadline.
The fact that you have an internal deadline means that there is some kind of forward momentum or resolution ahead. This is your acknowledgement that things will not remain as they are indefinitely. We all reach our respective cut off points.
