I've read this quite a bit on people's threads but Coach just reposted two 'gems'.

1. Four Phases
- get rid of negative feelings

- become friends again

- rekindle the romance

- re-commit to the marriage

We're heading out of phase one. I can feel the shift in energy since our 'bonfire discussion' and the follow-up airing at his house when I got the pasta sauce. We now seem to have an issue but it's more a discussion not a rip-roaring argument like days gone by and the level ground is also found much more quickly afterward. These discussions are seeming to 'clear the air a little'

Phase two, becoming friends is apparent with our weekly dinners, the ongoing help for me around the house, our drive with D and the day at swimming and our skype chats.

But will H want to keep me in phase two?

2. HALT

-hungry
-angry
-lonely
-tired

I get caught on T. When I am tired is when I get into territory I normally wouldn't. I need to keep working on recognising the tiredness signs.

Sanderika, i agree there is a re-connection. Since June H has been different. I am slowly learning that throwing out the divorce line doesn't mean it's what he's definitely going to do. I think it just means he's allowed himself to move a little bit to close for his comfort. It buys him some space and lets him pull back a little.

As for ow.....I'm not sure. Clearly she is not the great love of his life. He isn't spending any significant time with her. She's a friend with benefits. Maybe that suits them both? Maybe she provides him with another excuse for not to get too close to me. Like the divorce, the statement that he might move in with her is really a throw away line.

I'm sure H has lots of fear and guilt. Reconnecting with me means reconnecting with friends and family and that would be challenging for H. He thinks everyone will be unforgiving. I understand his trepidation but I don't think he even knows this let alone be able to articulate it at this stage.

It is interesting that I am invited to dinner with his parents at his house. I'm sure he will justify it as giving me the chance to see them but the reality is that we will catch up anyway as we have done in the past, with or without H. It will send an interesting message to his parents!

And as another interesting aside; when I went to H's the other night I had a cup of tea. He had bought some green tea which I drink and he doesn't. Obviously thinks I'll be around for a few cups of tea!