Finding My Way

[pookie69]

YOU need to BECOME the person that only an IDIOT wouldn't want to be with.

That's exactly what everyone here should be doing.

I've seen those t-shirts.

[Mystik]

Finally e-mailed H today about the money he owes me. I should have just kept my mouth shut. When will I ever learn to not open my mouth when things are going ok?

me: This past weekend I went over receipts from DS's medical co-pays as well as for the car insurance, taking into account the money you have already paid to me. I have calculated that in total you currently owe me $1,597.73 . This amount includes October car insurance, the co-pays for DS's most recent doctor appointment and the cover I purchased for your cell phone back in April. The breakdown is $886.91 for DS's daycare and medical co-pays, $660.82 for car insurance and $50 for the cell phone screen protector.

I would prefer we settle this ourselves rather then have to pursue the money through other means. Please make arrangements to pay me in cash or money order, it does not have to be all at once.

Also, please contact my insurance agent, [agent info], to make arrangements for your own car insurance policy for November. They should be expecting your call.


h: Will you sign off on the divorce?
h: Can you tell me the amount for DS's co-pays, please?

me: I don't have all that information with me right now.

h: Will you sign off on the divorce?

me: That is a separate issue from the money owed to me.

h: Right, so you can pick and choose which issues you'd like addressed? Interesting. It'd be better for both of us if we could settle that on our own and we didn't have to "pursue other means".

I will be combining car insurance policies with [Whore], but they keep asking about who else is on the title. If I bring the title with me when you get DS on Sunday, and you bring yours, we can sign off - that should take care of that and hopefully settle down some of the exaggerated inflation going on.

Speaking of my "tab", this is my year to claim DS. Especially with another child about to be born any day now (the timing of your email hasn't escaped me), I don't think it would be realistic to expect me to settle up anytime soon. Something I thought of though, when you're able to claim DS you can also claim head of house hold which should have a significant increase on your refund... far more than the amount I owe you. I had a thought, if you're willing to sign off on the Divorce and I'm willing to allow you to claim DS this year, I can use my reduced refund to cover the cost of the divorce and you can use your increased refund to cover my tab.

Sound good? If you really want to go to small claims court, I'm sure we can make this into a huge dispute and cause even more stress and tension, but I really think it would be in everyone's best interest to be done with this mess in the easiest and most beneficial way possible.

me: I already asked Wells Fargo (who has also bought out Wachovia) and because we are co-signers on the loan we are not allowed to sign off on each other's car title. You can call them and ask yourself if you don't believe me. So to get off each other's cars we would both need to refinance our loans and I am not able to do so. But through my insurance agent we can get separate policies.

He never responded to my last e-mail. He called me after work and I ignored it, he left a voice mail and was all casual asking if I thought it would be better for me to get DS from school and H would get him from my place the same time he picked up the nebulizer or should he get DS and to call him back and let him know. I didn't. He called again and I ignored it again. I packed DS's bag and left it in the entry way, when H gets here he can just grab the bag and leave.

[Atossup]

That just sucks!!

[pinhead]

Let a lawyer handle all this instead of dickering with his extortion attempts.

[TimeHeals]

It'd be better for both of us if we could settle that on our own and we didn't have to "pursue other means".

Yes, life could possibly have been so much different if you both had worked together to settle your differences instead of involving third parties.

Alas, too late for that now.

Let your lawyer handle all this legal crap. Just tell him it's all up to the lawyers now. This ain't personal; it's business.

[Mystik]

It is in my lawyer's hands now. But really, is it worth it? I can get a lawyer for family court for $400 when I can only go after him for $887 there. Then for that same lawyer it will be $300+ for divorce representation where I'm only able to go after $661. So either way I'm getting screwed out of what he owes me and won't have much to show for it.

[TimeHeals]

I'm pretty sure you can sue him for your legal fees too, eh?

Well, you can in most states in this country anyway.

[Mystik]

For divorce court I can, not sure about family court. That would be a good question for the lawyer, though.

[courageous wife]

(((Mystik)))

Do you need the money right away?

My L told me to keep track of everything that I pay that H does not help me with so I am...

This would be a good question to ask your L...if you don't have to have the money right away but keep track of everything you are paying out with receipts etc. If your H files, it is possible that he will have to pay all legal fees (as mine could be ordered to since I counter-filed)and will have to pay you what he owes...

I am so sorry he is putting you thru this! I guess I am lucky that I havent had to discuss any of the D stuff with my H.

[newmama]

Mystik, it sucks. Your H wants the D and is being persistent. Get it over with like ripping off a bandaid but also being smart (like you are with using the lawyer for your case).

It doesn't mean reconciliation isn't possible some day years from now, but the fact of the matter is that it is not in the near future...he is hell bent on the divorce.

At least he is totally being clear with you about what he wants and you aren't living in hope due to believing nothing= good news (like I did).

And remember, like people told me, you are already living your life without him. Even if you aren't happy. So you are able to do it.

I just think that people do remarry after divorces so it is best to let him go, be the person you are proud to be, and forget about him for awhile. MURPHY'S LAW says when we are not thinking about them, they come sniffin' around. But I do know first and foremost as every person with kids going through this knows, that it is way way way hard when we have to see the stbx spouse on a regular basis to exchange the kids.