Coach - I did set a boundary, albeit perhaps not a very powerful one. I told him I was not going to have a third person in our marriage so if he were going to stay, he would have to end all communication with her, which he said he did. And about which he is very angry and resentful. He obviously is not focusing on healing our relationship. I think a lot about the shoe being on the other foot, but he does not. I think he is too self-absorbed at the moment. But what would that look like, indeed? It's hard for me to even conceive because when I imagine the darkest, most dysfunctional places in my heart and soul, I know I would never be capable of treating another person the way he is choosing to treat me (and I know, I know - I am choosing to accept this treatment).
Starsky -not meaning to appear dense, but can you elaborate? Not sure I caught the meaning behind your quip.
Barb,
I meant that (if I read Coach's old posts correctly) I think Coach did exactly that: laid down a hard line (including legally) with his wife. Although I'm pretty sure there wasn't any infidelity involved (Coach, correct me if I'm wrong here), it was very effective for him. I think his wife might even post on here.
