Sorry Kissak…I am not going to even attempt to say I know how you feel I don’t. What I will say is, it is okay to feel what you are feeling right now. Keep feeling it and then let it go. Give it to God. You cannot change the past. You can though, write your future. So cry, then wipe those tears away, look in the mirror and realize that 1) you matter 2) your special 3) we all make mistakes – even your H and 4) that you are strong than you can even imagine!
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I think that is what has happened. The line has become blurred for me.
It happens. Does not mean that you cannot stand for YOUR M.
Do not let emotions drive your decisions right now. Emotions can be really difficult to manage sometimes. So try to never make a decisions when you are angry, hurt, and even happy.
Good decisions come from a place of peace and health. Healthy R's do exist and can be formed from even the most broken of R's.
FTR, and I may be bias, IMO, I am living breathing proff that people change and CAN change for the better.
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I think I will go spend some time with myself tonight.
Try not to be alone. Maybe go out with some girlfriends.. not as a biotch session but really just to relax. Maybe even take the kids to your mom’s house and spend some time with her. Just relax for now.
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I did ask my H if he would consider sitting with the kids one friday night so I could go out...he said "maybe".
Sorry if this comes across as brutal…but FUC* him right now. Find a baby sitter and get out of the house.
Kissak, I stand for me right now and in some way for my W. Yes, I hope my W wakes the fuc* up and realizes what she has in front of her. Maybe she will maybe she will not. Standing does not mean that you live a life of misery. IMO, once you get to a place where you really understand that nothing you do or say will snap his out of it and begin to live your life, well then standing become easier.
Living your life....It is scary at first. The feeling of….”wow – WTF do I want to do”.. can be overwhelming. It is this time that you have to really look at YOU. What do you really want in YOUR life. AND FTR, IMO, you do not always have to run out and file for a D in order to do that. You really can just go about living your life. For you. All for you.
You have been on the boards for a while and no one, especially I should ever question your commitment to making your M work. No one. BUT, how much work have you committed to YOURSELF and really walked it. Not just talked it girl, walk it.
How much time have you really put in to fix Kissak and figure out what Kissak really wants in HER life?
I have not read all of your posts but did check out a few of the older ones. It appears that you db’d pretty well and pretty quickly. Maybe Kissak it is time to really take all YOUR focus off of HIM and really PUT it where it belongs, which is ON YOU. AND I mean ALL of it Off of him.
Kissak, If you are afraid that you will not find love again. I can tell you…that You will if YOU allow yourself too. If you are afraid of not being able to make it – you will make it. If you are afraid of the impact to your kids – they will adjust If you are afraid that you love this man too much – realize that you can still love him AND YOURSELF. Love him enough to let him go.
Sometimes honey, we need to stand up for ourselves.
Whatever you decide…I am sure that many of the boards will support you and know this I will.
Oh...and some decisions do not have to be made right away.
God Bless, Eric
My suggestions – Live your Life and really let him go.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Eric, thank you for your kind words. Thank you for making me feel a little bit better (well, after I cried some more, lol) I think Im just afraid of letting go. After holding on for so long, its hard. The rope has grown attached I guess, lol.
Im thinking alot about the codependant stuff. I need to work on that. Im always afraid of making my H mad by what I say or do. Its a habit I gotta break. Standing up for me.
Learning to live MY life for ME.
I have stayed busy for the most part today. Lots of questions from my H. He wants to know what Im thinking. How Im feeling, etc. I told him I miss him. Thats the best I can say. He doesnt get it, but I feel better. He keeps saying that he feels like there is more Im not telling him. I dont know what else to say though.
He wont be going out tonight, he has decided to work at the fire/ems building and pull his duty.
Probably going to go to town tonight. Need some retail therapy! lol, maybe it will help me feel better.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Kissak, sweetie take care of yourself please....I'm worried about you. You have been through so much to save this marriage, but it's very worrisome when I hear that you don't like how he is being violent and rough in the bedroom....you don't have to put up with that. Think about it...how far are you going to let him walk all over you....MLC or not...violence is not acceptable.
You have a lot to think about....be good to yourself.
((((mega hugs)))))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
