wii, I just wanted to let you know that your post and your myriad of feelings touched me.
Originally Posted By: whatisis
...I have a hard time seeing myself with anyone else either.."is this it?"...I'm trying to face those alone demons. My wife and family were my rock! No matter what happened in my life, that would be there...My rock crumbled. I still carry fear about being alone. What if something happens to me, who will be there? Can I trust anyone in my life to really be there for me when I need them? I trusted my wife implicitly, never dreaming I could ever be betrayed, I was wrong. My kids are my greatest blessing but I still live with a lot of anxiety about where my life is heading. Before, much of it was set, it was solid. Now, I'm 52 and starting all over or that's how it seems sometimes. Is it an exciting adventure? Sometimes, but at others it feels like a sad failure.
I understand. 57 and coming up on the two-year mark. It is sad. But not a failure, wii. You are in my prayers.
Thanks Gardener! No, I don't see my life as a failure but when one of the biggest investments of your life goes bust those feelings come up. I know you understand. I guess there are many examples in the bible of people whose lives went bust but they went on to live again. Joseph comes to mind, talk about betrayal! I used to be OK with coming home after a hard day and just relaxing with my family knowing that this was there for me. Gone! Now, I come home and see emptiness around me which is much different. Hey, I'm not complaining, life is what it is and I have a lot more than many others but still, three years and it seems like yesterday sometimes. Thanks for checking in, I hope you're doing well.
Joseph's brothers sold him to slave traders because he got on their nerves being Daddy's favourite. Then in Egypt he wouldn't boff the Queen and paid for that too. Yet, somehow it all turned out well for him in the end. 100 pages! Well, tomorrow will be the start of a new thread as Year 3 is done. I need some new titles as the "Year" whatever theme is wearing thin!
I was driving home tonight thinking about the three year anniversary tomorrow and this song came on the radio. I felt this huge lump in my throat and tears began welling in my eyes. I hate crying, it makes me feel tired afterwards! Anyway, here it is...sorry to those who hate Cher but I think it's fitting for the occasion, maybe I'll get a title for my new thread from it
That song used to do it for me too after ex left and while I still loved him. It's all just senseless that they threw it all away, threw us away, isn't it??? It's ok to cry sometimes. It's ok to grieve. If you don't - you keep it bottled up too long - and that's not healthy.
I wrote you a reply to your post about the upcoming colonoscopy exam last week but strangely - it never showed up. I was at the cottage so maybe it got eaten.
Anyway - be grateful you're having both tests done the same day. I went for my colonoscopy and they told me that day that I should have been booked for both but they didn't plan it that way so I had to go back (to Oakville) again 2 weeks later. I was NOT impressed to have to fast a 2nd time. And right at Christmas. But it's done now. I went to the Rudd clinic. It is the best around. They are pros. Never felt a thing. Though the day before is BRUTAL and to add to my discomfort - I had an employee quit on me that day in a nasty manner. Bad memories!
My dad called me all upset today. Seems he is booked for his first colonoscopy (at 83) on Tuesday. And the nurse told him he had to fast from Sun morning on. I told him she must have made a mistake especially since he is diabetic. I also know that myself and all my friends only fasted one day. To top it off - he has an ultrasound scheduled for Mon. So I called back immediately - they had left for the w/e. I called his GP's receptionist and she agreed with me - they must have made a mistake. It seems she was trying to book him for Mon which might be why she insisted he fast on Sunday but then made a mistake. So suffice to say - I have to call her Mon morning to cancel. UGH - all this when I have a son with a fever and the clinic we were told to take him to is not wheelchair friendly. Oh joy! Medical life in Ontario sucks!
Anyway, enough complaining. I really came here to offer some comfort. I guess I suck at that too.
But I do feel your pain and hope it passes quickly.
Anniversaries are tough! And songs like that really bring out the emotions to the surface. In fact, I haven't memorized as many lyrics in my whole life as I have in the past few years. So many songs feel like they were written for me.
I guess as we process our emotions we have to just realize that the time will pass and we'll feel ok again the next day etc. I know because sometimes I feel invincible and sometimes I feel like I need a shoulder to cry on but then we just have to carry on one way or another.
Go out with some friends and try to have a good time tomorrow!
BTW, I don't hate Cher but man you need a radio station makeover if you're listening to Cher on a normal drive OK it was a good song...I'll admit it.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
OK it was a good song...I'll admit it.