I am accepting responsibility for allowing her to have the affair 10 years ago and encouraging it. I am also accepting responsibility for my resentment I built up over that time. I am willing to let it go and I am eager to move forward.
I have not come to terms with the EA she is or has had. I did confront both... she is still in the house..
Looks like there is more to it.
This...
Quote:
I understand my actions in our marriage and how I have hurt her and made her feel unimportant by the events of the last 10 years..
pinhead, true, and there is another studio in the same league about 30 minutes farther away, they would still possibly see each other during testing cycles..
She has to come to terms is the marriage more valuable then the TKD or not.. and right now... I would say the answer to that is no.. I need to build the love units up before I try to cash that check guys..
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
By that comment I mean by trying to discuss the affair with her, over the course of the 10 years to spark her intimacy and sexual drive.. it pushed her farther away because I suspect she now finds it repulsive and iss feeling the guilt of it. She also cant reconcile that with the fact she hid an EA from me...
But I did push her to discuss it with me and she refused for many years..
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
I need to build the love units up before I try to cash that check guys..
No! The OM is filling her love buckets. She won't appreciate any of your efforts because she doesn't respect you. You get her respect back by calling her out on the CB.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
By that comment I mean by trying to discuss the affair with her, over the course of the 10 years to spark her intimacy and sexual drive.. it pushed her farther away because I suspect she now finds it repulsive and iss feeling the guilt of it. She also cant reconcile that with the fact she hid an EA from me...
But I did push her to discuss it with me and she refused for many years..
Did she actually say any of this or are you mindreading?
You get her respect back by calling her out on the CB.
I know you can at least do this. You are retired military. Would you allow a subordinate or an equal ranked co-worker treat you with this CB...I doubt it. Go back to your military methods. Calm, decisive, to the point, not mean but very matter of fact this is how we operate best.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
You get her respect back by calling her out on the CB.
I know you can at least do this. You are retired military. Would you allow a subordinate or an equal ranked co-worker treat you with this CB...I doubt it. Go back to your military methods. Calm, decisive, to the point, not mean but very matter of fact this is how we operate best.
Very important and easy to overlook.
We let small things go thinking it's no big deal. Then we let bigger things go because we don't want to argue or fight about it, it will just go away on it's own. Pretty soon, these things pile up and become one great big ball of resentment. We stop standing up for ourselves and for what's right.
Don't be afraid of your W. Like GW said; calm, decisive and to the point.
I'm still working on it myself, but it can and must be done. You can do it!
