I asked another woman about this and she said that it would make her feel like she wasn't holding-up her end of the bargain or doing what she needed to do to contribute. I don't get it.
Sat night BBQ you show up and the guy is cooking on the grill. He's got three different meats going, two sauces and vegatables cooking. Are you going to touch the tongs and move anything?
Inside the house the woman is prepping salad, appetizers, setting the table, filling glasses etc. What happens all the other women just jump in and help.
We on a trip over the summer and the maids came in to clean the room. We just got back from shopping and where laying around. When the maids starting cleaning the Greek jumped up and started to help, I just laughed and then she saw it too. It's hardwired.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I understand your scenarios, but then why do they get mad when WE try to help?
All he was doing was finishing the sandwiches.......
That's why.
Quote:
I asked one of the twins if he wanted mustard or whatever and W said, very snotty, "I'll get that when I'm done. Sit down and eat, I will take care of the lunches."
I understand your scenarios, but then why do they get mad when WE try to help?
All he was doing was finishing the sandwiches.......
I was getting ready to ask the exact same question, Coach.
I know I raised my voice a little. I did not yell. It did catch me by surprise. What is the proper way to handle it? After I regained my composure, I went back to making lunches. When she was done eating, she got up and started to help and then slammed the pantry door and told me to go ahead and fininsh if I "just had to." WTF?
I understand your scenarios, but then why do they get mad when WE try to help?
All he was doing was finishing the sandwiches.......
I was getting ready to ask the exact same question, Coach.
I know I raised my voice a little. I did not yell. It did catch me by surprise. What is the proper way to handle it? After I regained my composure, I went back to making lunches. When she was done eating, she got up and started to help and then slammed the pantry door and told me to go ahead and fininsh if I "just had to." WTF?
Because you are in her kitchen (literally and figuratively). When women want your help they want it side by side it's social and working together- connection. Not to fix the problem or pick up the slack.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I understand your scenarios, but then why do they get mad when WE try to help?
All he was doing was finishing the sandwiches.......
I was getting ready to ask the exact same question, Coach.
I know I raised my voice a little. I did not yell. It did catch me by surprise. What is the proper way to handle it? After I regained my composure, I went back to making lunches. When she was done eating, she got up and started to help and then slammed the pantry door and told me to go ahead and fininsh if I "just had to." WTF?
You interrupted her. She had everything planned and you changed the dynamic.
Very dangerous thing to do in the kitchen. Next time do dishes instead.
Because you are in her kitchen (literally and figuratively). When women want your help they want it side by side it's social and working together- connection. Not to fix the problem or pick up the slack.
That's why when I renovated our kitchen I removed the entire wall an built a bar.
Now I can sit at the other side of the no fly zone and socialize and be connected without being an obstruction.
When W wants a pot, a pan, or a glass, I can get up an get it for her. I never do it without being asked first. Mindreading makes her mad.
I kinda see your W's irritation there. Granted she is HYPER sensitive to anything you do that could even remotely be considered stepping on her toes, but if I was making sandwiches and then just took a break and you finished up for me without asking if I would like you to, I might be a tad irritated.
It seems to imply that "hey you are dropping the ball here/can't finish what you started/FINE YOU WANT ME TO DO THIS". And makes them feel that someone else is picking up the slack for them, so they should drop what they are doing and go back to finishing up before taking a break.
Over analysis to be sure, but if it helps you to see the situation in a different light, so much the better.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
When she got her job back a month ago with "normal" hours, I thought it would be great with both of us here in the morning. There would be less rushing around, and things would run smoothly. Just the opposite has happened. She is constantly yelling, telling the kids to hurry and do this and that, and telling me she can do it all. I have tried that, too, and she has mede the comment to the kids that she "can't do it all by her self".
When she got her job back a month ago with "normal" hours, I thought it would be great with both of us here in the morning. There would be less rushing around, and things would run smoothly. Just the opposite has happened. She is constantly yelling, telling the kids to hurry and do this and that, and telling me she can do it all. I have tried that, too, and she has mede the comment to the kids that she "can't do it all by her self".
None of the above.
Ask "W, how can I help you to get things running smoothly?"
