barbsing, you should spend more time reading up on the sitchs of people here who have been successful either in reconciling or moving forward in their lives on their own. Yes, Coach did have success. So did Rob. So did I.
I do understand your confusion and frustration. My immediate thought was to kick BF out when I discovered his A. But I wanted to follow DR strictly so I tried to lovingly detach while he was still in the house (I did move him into the guest room). It did not work for me at all because the longer I watched him come and go to OW the worse it made me feel about myself for putting up with that crap.
When I decided to put him out of the house things turned around for me immediately. Yes, he did move in with OW as I knew he would. So be it. I decided that if she wanted a cheater then she could have him; I deserved better. I focused on myself and had a lot of fun GAL and making plans for my future. I only communicated with BF via email about financial matters.
About a month after I kicked him out he started saying he wanted another chance. It took a while for him to convince me to give him another chance, and it included him moving out of OW's apartment and agreeing to end all contact with her.
Of course you can decide to handle the situation however you see best. I'm simply telling you that, from my personal experience, the course of action you have chosen is extremely painful, can be detrimental to your self-esteem and self-respect, and doesn't produce results. What does work is what Rob and Coach have recommended.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
