You wrote: "And I've had those weekends. I spent most of last summer working weekends doing those running races. There's lots of dead time and my head would spin in circles and nothing would get resolved. The only that's worked is to put one foot in front of the other until the day is done ... and then day after day after day it's gotten better."
It's not about "resolving" anything, it's about being and being OK with just being! I read a quote in a paper on mindfulness that said something about "become a human being not a human doing" Also, dead time on a work weekend is quite different than taking time for yourself.
You also mentioned " Yes. A lot of my posts are about STBXW. This is kind of my online journal and I was reviewing where I am now compared with where I was a year ago and I've come a long way."
Indeed you have! But, when you journal extensively about your feelings regarding wife then you aren't done or detached. I'm not judging your progress, that's not my place. I'm just suggesting that while you're still so attached it's not a great time to be dating. Friends is good though!
Lastly, be careful about hitting on women in your church group. That group is your safe place, somehwere you go for you. Sometimes women can respond very oddly to date requests and if you're not good at rejection (and who is) it can make your time there kind of akward. I once asked a woman in my workplace to go to a church event with me and she said "can I let you know?" and never did, which I could live with but she then began ignoring me completely, avoiding me and even changed her work habits e.g. leaving early to miss me. It was kind of humiliating, it ended that contact and honestly, a no thank you or can't make it would have been just fine! So, just be careful! There are lots of damaged people out there besides you and me and I'm guessing your group is full of them or they wouldn't be there!
I'm done now...really! I hope something in there was of help.
