We talked later about me moving out. She said she thought that we had agreed to stay together since the finances were better that way, and for the girls. She said being financially secure was huge for her. I listened and validated, told her that I was leaning more towards separation though. That staying together like this, just for the girls and finances would be really unhealthy for me, for her, and the girls.
this is a good R talk.
Quote:
She said she thought that we had agreed to stay together since the finances were better that way,
She's not convinced you are serious about what you say.
Drop the bomb and back it up with action. Have a plan to show her, let her feel you walking away then do it. Otherwise you sit in limbo in a loveless marraige and then when the kids are gone - what happens? Help her feel the consequences of her not doing the work. She says she will do anything, make her prove it.
Sharpen up the truth darts. Lead, have a plan for either outcome and be prepared to take action quickly. Limbo sucks the life out of you, kills attraction, and leads to resentment.
Quote:
While talking last night, my W asked me how I could be so detached about the sitch.
She is watching you very closely. That comment is good.
"I get it, I have been selfish trying to get you to stay in a marriage that isn't making you happy. I am not happy and I have decided that this isn't going to work, us just staying together for the girls. We all deserve better and I am going to be a good role model for the girls. You and I need to sit down and discuss how to handle this."
When you drop the bomb again she will try to tag you again. So if she isn't kissing you (intimate in her mind) then you drop another laser bomb.
"I really don't think we should do this. It's not attractive to see you trying this and you aren't passionate about me. Plus I don't want to confuse you about where we are headed."
The flip side is your wife is bending but she hasn't gone all in. If she really wants to commit, tell her you have plan but you need time to think to see if she is serious. Don't give in too easily.
You can handle it. You have control when you realise you have choices.
