Saffie- small animals... Gr8day- new perfume- check, dressing VERY well- check... getting noticed... check- how much is HE noticing- definitely some, but not sure how much, he hides this kind of thing well. Hopeless- working on detaching too, I think it is my only hope, not even sure what I think in my own head anymore. Won't wait for him forever... In reality, I am so far away from my goal. He would need to do some maturing in order to make our relationship work too. I have plenty to change and am doing it. However, he can't be so dependent on others to validate him... hence, an affair.
Detach, detach, detach
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
sorry for your sitch blgp. it happens during residency. have known many people who've experienced same from surgery or even pedi. typical about OW too. probably trying to land someone for some time. she cannot measure up.
ur H? let him answer the questions. i am not against the idea of exposure. in the end, let him deal with the opprobrium and negative consequences to his actions. let him be the one that has to answer the hard questions as to why his M has seemingly fallen apart.
as i'm sure u know all too well, the delayed gratification inherent in ur education and post grad training can take a significant toll.
u need to be strong for u. have to get yourself to a place where u can say honestly that if ur H wants to be with u then awesome! if not, then u have to be prepared to move on. where is Coach when u need him (one of the old guard) who was fond of saying:
"Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."
as an exercise try writing down the positive aspects that drew u to ur H. i did that very thing. i have since shared it with the W. she actually demonstrated a genuine appreciation for that.
know we are all in the same boat. look at me. my W has had 2 A's in 2 years!! the 2nd one will be her last with me bc i will not b around for #3. the diff tho is that after the first one i was not ready to do what needed to be done. i know that now. i was blind and stupid. i am not that person anymore. u seem to be in a better place than i was bc i have been stumbling around for some time before finally developing a true sense of what has transpired and formulating an appropriate response. i very much love my W w/ all my heart, and i want her but i do not NEED her. very important distinction. u r on the right track. believe that.
________________________________________________________________ M: 42, W: 40 T: 18y, M: 15y S7 S9; D4 D13 D15 --------------------------------------------- Nov 2008 - Feb 2009 - EA/PA - OM1 Mar 2009 - Exposed - W didnt come clean 100%, admitted A, no details May 2009 - Nov 2009 - FT but no resolution Nov 2009 - DB'ing (not very well bc) Mar 2010 - ILYBNILWY - still ML regularly Mar 2010 - Wife shuts me out of FaceBook Mar 2010 - Sep 2010 - EA/PA - OM2 (lives in FL but working NY) 9/1/10 - OM2 moves back to FL, his M estranged in past, 4 children 8/31/10 - install keylogger (shouldve done it sooner, duh) 9/6/10 - Confront W/OM2/OMW2 9/7/10 - Exposure family/friends 9/7/10 - W says may file D, talk sep? 9/7/10 to present - OM2 discloses A in detail to OMW2, offers wife 100% transparency 9/14/10 - Communicated OM2/OMW2, end contact, sep no longer option Sept 2010 - W initially won't admit A until 9/16/10, wanting "closure", reluctantly agreed no contact Retrouvaille 9/24-9/26: great experience, W hopeful for 1st time, agrees FB/social networking is bad influence, texts/emails much less, mostly warm but some cold days, not physical yet but for occasional short kisses --------------------------------------------- Current - Contact with OM2 unknown, suspect done for now bc W acting strange, ?withdrawal Current - only small details of A revealed, but transparent Current - completed Retrouvaille, pretty good thus far, talking, sharing feelings, talks about future, wearing rings again (!!) after few weeks of not
Hi Savemymarr- Thank you for all of that. I genuinely appreciate your interest and the time you took to write that to me. I raised myself as a child and learned at an early age that I can take care of myself and don't need anyone...obviously that can have some significant negative impact on a relationship, but it is serving me well now. I am finally moving toward the mentality of 'if he figures it out in time, ok, I will go to MC with him, if not... I have a whole lot going for me: I am a genuinely good and caring person, I will be a specialist in 40 weeks, I was genetically blessed and I am regaining my sense of self. I am curious, if the day ever comes and I still want to pursue it... what did you think of Retrouvaille?
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Retrouvaille - there are some good threads on it in these forums. Find Lotus and look at some of her posts...she has a lot of knowledge on Retro. I've never heard a single negative thing about it. W and I plan on attending at some point in near future.
How are things today?
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Thanks guys, going to take a look. Today is a good day... so far Haven't seen or heard from the squirrel in 3 days. This is new. I think he knows I know. Was going to watch the house/take care of the dogs for him this weekend (until I realized what was going on...) and haven't heard a word from him. I have no doubt he won't contact me for fear of what I will say... or that he has to keep lying. As he said in one of his last e-mails- he is 'tired of lying'. On with my life. Reached 3000 miles on my motorcycle today, it was used so can't take credit for all of them but have put a lot on it. It feels great!!! Will read the thread, thanks for sending it.
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
Was going to watch the house/take care of the dogs for him this weekend (until I realized what was going on...) and haven't heard a word from him
Good, make plans for yourself. Have your bag packed for him to see and tell him you are going away for the weekend too.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
As for looking good, I meant try something different with your "look"
Do something different.
I hear the 80's are coming back in style! LOL no big hair though!
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Yes, I understood what you meant... have been changing things and contemplating other changes. Yikes! The '80's! But those changes are finally starting to come for me. How or if he reacts is finally starting to come in second place... progress
(Formerly blgp) Me-35 H-33 Married 4 yrs Together 9 yrs "Bomb" 8/1/10 Separated 8/6/10 D filed 10/21/10, on hold til 1/11
"If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him about your life plans."
