We Fall Down, We Get Up

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Bobbi.. I am with John on this one and it kinda hurts me to see you still wanting that connection in some respects, but of course you would, you're only human right and Dan does still affect you.

I would say the reason he called to chit chat that night the kids were in bed was becuase he felt guilty for the angry text tirade AT you (which is in no way connected to you). But, you knew that, right? Its a no brainer. He cant say "I'm sorry" but he shows you in little ways. Its push, pull with Dan. And the reason you werent upset and hurt that time is because you know its not about you, but the fact that he turns to you to vent his misery, shows that he's still emotionally available to you and that gives you some feeling of satisfaction.

To be honest, reading between the lines here, I kinda think you saying in your text "the kids dont like it THIS way".. implies there is another way things could be, an alternative. Or could have been. Its like, theres always that subtle reminder of what DAN did to you all. Do you see that? I think guilt generally, is literally eating him alive. Remember Michelle always said guilt is the biggest no-no, that we had to minimise guilt.

You never did really follow the DB rules though hun! If you did what everyone said and set healthy boundaries and 'moved on' (even if you were acting AS IF you had moved on) and stopped being so emotionally available, you may have been surprised at how much he began to chase. But thats in the past and yet even now, after divorce, you continue to be 100% there for him. Letting the phone go to VM when you're at work doesnt really count, cos, you're at work hey.

But its totally normal that you still have mixed feelings and as Jon says, we're all here for you and carry on being honest with us. I was always honest on my thread and got a kicking for it sometimes to boot!

One thing I will say though, which my sister advised me (who successfully Dbed and pieced but later got divorced...) its ok whilst they are still emotionally available, no matter if distant, or if they are seeing someone else. But as soon as they are no longer emotionally available and properly let go of you and you dont have access to that chink in their armour anymore.. then you will really feel it and it will be horrendous if you are not prepared for that day. I just hope you can work through your own feelings before Dan gets his sh1t together/works things out with Stephanie and this constant texting/phoning/purging himself with you stops. And unless he was going to come back to you... that will happen eventually.

And if there are still things in your heart you need to say to him, I would do it soon, before that day comes.

Hugs, Al xxx