sorry for your sitch blgp. it happens during residency. have known many people who've experienced same from surgery or even pedi. typical about OW too. probably trying to land someone for some time. she cannot measure up.
ur H? let him answer the questions. i am not against the idea of exposure. in the end, let him deal with the opprobrium and negative consequences to his actions. let him be the one that has to answer the hard questions as to why his M has seemingly fallen apart.
as i'm sure u know all too well, the delayed gratification inherent in ur education and post grad training can take a significant toll.
u need to be strong for u. have to get yourself to a place where u can say honestly that if ur H wants to be with u then awesome! if not, then u have to be prepared to move on. where is Coach when u need him (one of the old guard) who was fond of saying:
"Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."
as an exercise try writing down the positive aspects that drew u to ur H. i did that very thing. i have since shared it with the W. she actually demonstrated a genuine appreciation for that.
know we are all in the same boat. look at me. my W has had 2 A's in 2 years!! the 2nd one will be her last with me bc i will not b around for #3. the diff tho is that after the first one i was not ready to do what needed to be done. i know that now. i was blind and stupid. i am not that person anymore. u seem to be in a better place than i was bc i have been stumbling around for some time before finally developing a true sense of what has transpired and formulating an appropriate response. i very much love my W w/ all my heart, and i want her but i do not NEED her. very important distinction. u r on the right track. believe that.
________________________________________________________________ M: 42, W: 40 T: 18y, M: 15y S7 S9; D4 D13 D15 --------------------------------------------- Nov 2008 - Feb 2009 - EA/PA - OM1 Mar 2009 - Exposed - W didnt come clean 100%, admitted A, no details May 2009 - Nov 2009 - FT but no resolution Nov 2009 - DB'ing (not very well bc) Mar 2010 - ILYBNILWY - still ML regularly Mar 2010 - Wife shuts me out of FaceBook Mar 2010 - Sep 2010 - EA/PA - OM2 (lives in FL but working NY) 9/1/10 - OM2 moves back to FL, his M estranged in past, 4 children 8/31/10 - install keylogger (shouldve done it sooner, duh) 9/6/10 - Confront W/OM2/OMW2 9/7/10 - Exposure family/friends 9/7/10 - W says may file D, talk sep? 9/7/10 to present - OM2 discloses A in detail to OMW2, offers wife 100% transparency 9/14/10 - Communicated OM2/OMW2, end contact, sep no longer option Sept 2010 - W initially won't admit A until 9/16/10, wanting "closure", reluctantly agreed no contact Retrouvaille 9/24-9/26: great experience, W hopeful for 1st time, agrees FB/social networking is bad influence, texts/emails much less, mostly warm but some cold days, not physical yet but for occasional short kisses --------------------------------------------- Current - Contact with OM2 unknown, suspect done for now bc W acting strange, ?withdrawal Current - only small details of A revealed, but transparent Current - completed Retrouvaille, pretty good thus far, talking, sharing feelings, talks about future, wearing rings again (!!) after few weeks of not
