You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[ClingingToHope]

Yes. I still want her to feel something. That's what's been so hard. She's the ice queen.

Every once in a while I think of February 2009 -- the bomb -- when she said "I feel like I may be making the biggest mistake of my life, but I want you to move out so I can figure if it's you."

I want her to realize she did make the biggest mistake of her life, but while I hold on to that she has the power.

[ClingingToHope]

I agree Kat. I think it also depends on who does the divorcing. Dottie, the DB counselor, said typically a person has been thinking about divorce two to three years before actually saying the words. By that timeline, STBXW has been thinking about this since 2001 or 2002 so she's had a long time to let me go.

[g450]

Yep,

I think most plan on their escape well ahead of time. This puts them at a big advantage and the LBS gets dropped kicked into hell without a shovel.

Looking back I think my XW was planning on leaving me years ago. I just did not see the signs.

But in my case she had no real reason for leaving other than the lame ass ILYBNILWY BS. Her online love affair was all she needed to put it all into motion.

[Virtually_Handsome]

And STBXW tells her I'm doing great getting over her.

Why does this bother me?

Because you are not detached, even yet.

I told her, "No. To me, that's mommy and daddy's house and I don't want her to live there with another man. It would hurt."

Please tell me you didn't say that to an 8 year old.

See above. Detach.

[smith18]

I remember an anecdote in some book I read a long time ago re: breakups. A man comes to his XW's house to pick something up and brings his new GF along. In his mind he is thinking, "wait 'till she sees my new GF. This will REALLY get her."

He walks up to the door and his X sees him with a stunning blond and she says to herself, "thank G-D he found someone else."

Ha Ha! Good one Frank.

Just last week, S10 woke up sick and I was not feeling too good myself. I still needed to drive D8 to school and had to bring S10 with because he is not old enough to stay at home. XW was at school to work the car line and she had us stop so she could double check on S10. She then said something that didn't register with me right away (but made me laugh later)... "You need to be more aggressive and find a "match" woman. Then you could have left S10 at home with her."

[ClingingToHope]

Well that was a long night. D11 missed school Tuesday so she had a bunch of makeup work to do and I couldn't get her off to bed until past 10. She's going to be exhausted in the morning.

I hadn't seen either of them since Thursday -- which because of my schedule allowing me to see them after school -- is a long time.

They both were clingy tonight and kind of sad. They wanted to talk about STBXW and I a lot.

I found out from D11 that STBXW still has not told them she filed for divorce. It should be final soon. STBXW is a strange one. Very, very hard to read.

I've been thinking about STBXW too much tonight. I read situations like FIB and his house and BBJ and getting ranting texts from the ex and I don't know what to think about my situation.

I should feel blessed about so many things and I don't. Tonight, for some reason I have this overwhelming sense of rejection. I also have an opportunity to really grow, finish things I've always to finish, meet new people. Sometimes I'm heading in the right direction and sometimes I feel like I'm letting it all slide by.

As I was putting D11 to sleep, she wanted to know about my girlfriends. She's 11 and has been "dating" a boy in her class. Dating at 11 means holding hands at lunch. Well, he moved and isn't on her bus anymore so she doesn't see him much and she likes another boy .... Yikes.

She wanted to know how to let someone down easy. I told her I wasn't good at that. I've had six what I'd call important relationships. And five of the six were ended by my girlfriends. The only one where I ended it was easy. I was 18, she was 16. Her parents were controlling and she wasn't allowed to call me. I got bored of having to jump through so many hoops to see her and ... I just stopped calling.

Serves me right. She won our county fair beauty pageant when she was 18 and is extremely successful and still beautiful -- though single again, divorce gets half of us -- out in Utah. We're Facebook friends now.

[smith18]

Are your daughters aware from you about the divorce being emminent?

As much as you dislike having to see your STBXW, you need to both work together to properly let your daughters know about the divorce.

[ClingingToHope]

D11 knows now. She was asking about Christmas and the new house and a bunch of stuff and I told her once the divorce was final I'll be able to get some things paid off and perhaps I can add her to my phone bill (because STBXW won't pay for minutes for D11's phone).

D11 said she didn't know a divorce had been filed.

I said, "Really, your mom filed for divorce in February. It should be over soon."

I just assumed she'd told them because whenever D8 and I are out and meet someone knew she says, "this is my dad. My mom and him are getting divorced."

I mean without fail. It's actually funny now.

D11 told me back in November 2009 to "get over her. She's not changing her mind."

[ClingingToHope]

Journaling -- The long Thursday is here. I have to basically finish all my work today so I can have a short Friday -- last football game and then I'll get a break on job No. 3 until basketball starts up in December.

I'm still really tired. I'm hoping it's the cold. I'm going to pick up some nasal spray so I can breath, really breath again.

Anyway, busy few days ahead.

Church growth group tonight -- church 31 and church 35 will be there.

Friday, I have the football game so D8 is staying overnight at a friend's house and D11 is going to theater practice with a friend and I'll pick her up after the game.

Saturday, D11 has more theater practice -- I may see STBXW Saturday, sigh -- so D8 and I are going to go to Toys R Us for a while.

6 p.m. a friend is having a party and it's kid friendly, so we'll go there for a while. Late Saturday, they want to go to a haunted hayride.

Sunday, D11 has her first day as a volunteer in our church's youth program. Now that she's sixth grade, she's too old to be in the youth program and she doesn't want to sit with me in the service yet.

Then ... maybe a trip to the health club. Not a lot of sitting around time. It's the girls' last weekend at the apartment.

[ClingingToHope]

Another good growth group session. One of the ladies of the group is trying to get into top shape for her wedding so she's doing a "body pump" class three times a week. The morning one is at 5 a.m. and I'm going to meet her tomorrow morning.

Yikes.

Anyway. When it was over I waited for church_35 to walk out, but she was still listening to the group so I manned up and sat down and said, "hey, would you like to go to a ball."

She said, "what ball?"

I told it's the "Green Ball, it's a first-time event so it could be really fun or it could be really lame."

She asked what night and I said next Friday (Oct. 22) and she said she'll let me know Monday. She's going out of town early tomorrow -- to Detroit, she said it in group so it wasn't a made up story -- and she's not sure she's free yet.

I would have liked a yes ... or perhaps even a quicker no because I'll likely ask another lady if she says no. But hey, my first face-to-face date request. I'm moving up. First I asked by Facebook, then by phone and now face to face.

Fingers crossed.