Thanks for the welcome and encouraging/thought-provoking words.
1. I found out that right after she moved out she had contacted a lawyer on the advice of her family to determine if there were any ramifications to her move. I also found notes related to what she is entitled to upon divorce, but when I asked her about it, she said that she wanted to use all the time that she paid for and her goal is to move back in eventually. I haven't consulted with a lawyer, part of me feels like it's tempting bad things to happen to go see one. But I'm conflicted about it. Maybe I should. We've been together for 7 years, married for 4. We are still sharing finances. We are fortunate financially, but we have been paying expenses through our credit cards during this separation and then paying the bill in full out of our main account.
2. Thanks--sometimes a person starts to believe they're being unrealistic after being told it so many times.
3. She teased me with asking if she should attend my brother's wedding this past week. I told her I would like to have her there but I can understand if it is uncomfortable. She initially agreed and then said "I just can't do it." So, it's like she brings up R sometimes, should I just say, "I prefer to enjoy your company. Let's not talk about the R?"
For right now we're just going to restaurants we haven't been to before but always wanted to try. Our first date was a really good step but we have had our anniversary and this wedding in between which have triggered a lot of confusion. Any ideas on fun, engaging things? I've thought about going to an apple orchard, see the bald eagles, the zoo, stuff like that. I don't know what would engage her, a lot of her hobbies are so isolating (running long distances, reading mystery novels, books on tape) that I never can tell what moves her heart.
Currently, we are dark. She said she needed space on the night of our anniversary two weeks ago and we haven't talked since then. I'm trying to be strong. I haven't contacted her at all since that night. She said that night she wanted to find another marriage counselor, but I haven't heard back from her on that. Perhaps it is an empty repair attempt. It's all been very Jekyll and Hyde..."I want to work on this, No I don't" "I will eventually move back, wait, I'm kind of comfortable on my own."
The trip was with a well known international organization and organized with several young men and young women on it. The trip was supposed to help them learning diverse ideas and work practices in their chosen professions to bring back to the states, but it ended up being tours of a lot of civic organizations and frequent drinking. Perhaps something happened there in the heat of the moment or against her will that she hasn't come to terms with, I dunno. I've alleged that the potential OM was on that trip, which she has denied and I can find no other record of him during my snooping. I think it's more of a quarter life crisis, perhaps? I want to have kids and put roots down, she's talking about moving across country to get her phD. I'm all for her aspirations but if it comes at the expense of our marriage, then I'm not for it.
My biggest fear right now is that all my hard earned progress of being my own man, detaching from her, etc. will come crashing down if/when we meet again if she is not hospitable. She just seems so in her own world. I know I have been co-dependent in the past becuase that's how I've been taught, but I feel that she doesn't even want to be interdependent, she just wants to live with someone to stave off loneliness.
