.....I explained that I ... was trying to be close and affectionate. He thought about it for a minute then asked for a hug and told me he loved me. It felt like a positive moment. I desperately hope that it can be sustained...but I doubt.
Maybe you should think of what you did (closeness & non argumentative explaination) as a "180."
It was something you did different and it produced a positive result. Write that one down so you will remember it.
Keep trying more "180's" until you have a list of things that "work" for your husband and you.
You are in a "high stakes" sociological study where your marriage and your happiness are the outcome of the game. You need to explore what does and doesn't work and keep track so that you can do more of the things that work for the both of you. This means that you have to actively try things that may not work (which will require courage on your part.)
Congratulations, keep up the good work!
Visualize sucess as opposed to assuming it won't keep happening. Remove the "...I doubt" from your thoughts. Become positive.
One of the very positive things that the sex therapist did with my wife and me was to help us visualize what a happy marriage would include and help push us to take small steps in that direction. Without a counselor, the successful 180's you initiate and repeat need to be your small steps.
P.S. I hope that you thanked your husband for the hug and his understanding. You want to reinforce his positive behavior. Have you figured out what he did? If he is a touch primary language of love guy, then his asking for a hug could have been him asking you to do something to make him feel loved or it could have been his saying that he loved you and was showing his love for you in his primary language of love. If he says non-verbally "I love you" and you answer with a non-verbal touch language "I love you too" you have really communicated with him and made him feel loved. If the two of you can also add verbal "I love you's" at the same time it is even stronger.
If his secondary language of love were verbal affirmation or praise and you then praised him for what he did, he would feel even more loved.
Men are really pretty simple creatures to train once you know their languages of love and as in the other post jokingly says, train them like a dog.
Good luck to you. Keep positive and keep trying.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
