I have a question, I sent the OM a text message. I told him that if he knew my wife at all, he would know how important her family is to her. That by her choosing to be with him she has given up all of that. Her family will never welcome him, he will never be invited to family functions and he will never be accepted. I then went one step further and sent him copies of her emails to me tell me she had packed all her belongings into her car and quit her job so she would never have to see or talk to OM again. She hoped I would still let her come home. That she did have some feelings for OM but she had love for me and that that love was more important than mere feelings. I then told him to think about what he really had invested in the relationship, is it worth all the aggrevation that he would have to deal with. She obviously didnt love him like he thought, and he would always have to deal with me as my wife an I have a 20 year history. I also told him the kids know what he represents and that I am in the process of taking legal action to keep him away from my children.
So what's everyones opinion on this move? Good, Bad, should I have shut my mouth? All i want to do is get the 2 of them apart. thats my goal right now. I feel I am strong enough to handle any back lash for my actions. Give me your thoughts.
If I were in his shoes (hard for me to imagine, really), I wouldn't give a hoot what you said, felt or thought. His actions show that. Now what she said in the emails might affect me, but you're expecting him to be rational. If he's in the PEA fog, all he cares and thinks about is her.
No I really dont know what i'm dealing with. I do know he is very upset about her not taking him to meet any of her family. Thats why she has brought the kids around him. She has no one else. They are all dead set against her decisions. Especially since all of her family (30 from her side) were at my home for thanksgiving last monday and she just dropped off the kids and left. Not even a hello to her grandmother.
I dont know what his mindset is, having a hard time putting myself into his shoes. He is dating someone with a 20 year relationship (she wont sign off on divorce), the loss of her 4 children and now her family. I guess I was trying to give him a reality check. Kinda to say "wake up", you can never truly be a part of her life. The kids know who you are, eventually they will get past the OM is fun stage.
I am here to get advise from the experts, those that have paved the road ahead of me. I am lost, i never would have expected to be 34, separated with custody of my 2 children and my 2 step children, have my MIL and BIL living in my home and my wife shacked up with some smuck.
Tank, don't worry your pretty little head over him (or her). SHe moved back in with him. Her loss. Move on. Don't call her or text her unless it has to do with your kids. Don't text him either.
You sent that text and it's in the past so you can't undo it. Now, focus on YOU.
Thanks everyone. I cant file for divorce myself in Ontario. I have to prove adultery or abuse or wait a year and she still can contest it. She has contested it to date, as I have filed.
I wont text either anymore, it gets me no where. I am focusing on me though. I have lost a lot of weight, I am in better physical condition then High school, I dress much better, always take pride in my appearance and i spend every moment I can with my children. I am new and improved. I have been out casually dating and to be honest, I just dont have my heart in it, so I have stopped. Its just not for me.
This whole situation is just a little crazy, my MIL is wanting her daughter home, and this gets put onto me. I have told her before that I cant talk about it and that it isnt my decision.Just doesnt make it any easier.
This whole situation is just a little crazy, my MIL is wanting her daughter home, and this gets put onto me. I have told her before that I cant talk about it and that it isnt my decision.Just doesnt make it any easier.
Just tell her mom, "Look, as her husband I am unhappier than you can imagine about what she is doing, but she's your daughter, and if she doesn't care what you think, what makes you think she cares what I think".
Then no more need to talk about it with her mom.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Extremely busy life these days. Sports and kids is almost a fulltime job. Heres the latest.
My wifes brother who works for me comes into my office today. He tells me that my wife spent 3 hrs at his house yesterday and she wants to come home but she is terrified that things will be the same and she knows if she comes home she has to stay as she cant do this to the kids again. She knows she made the biggest mistake of her life.
I didnt even talk to him about it. I said thanks now get to work.
WTF am I supposed to do with that. To me its sounds like she is putting it all on me. She wants to know that the changes i have made are sustainable. What the hell does she think I've been doing for the last 8 months? I will not go to her, I want text her, I wont even start a conversation with her. I still drop off a card everyday, as I committed to that and my kids want to see it through. Just dont know what to do next.
We did have some interaction on Sunday for my sons 13th birthday party. She wouldnt come for Thanksgiving dinner with her family, but she made it to the party. We didnt have a conversation, but during the dinner etc, we both talked about whatever everyone was talking about.
So the drama continues, and she is still at the OM house. She told her brother she is in her own room. He is just letting her stay there until she gets a job and somewhere to go.
He tells me that my wife spent 3 hrs at his house yesterday and she wants to come home but she is terrified that things will be the same
I suppose you could ask him to ask what she has learned and how she has changed?
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
