Wife is cheating, am sad but confused?

[HopelessInLove]

My goal of the whole intel has been 3 fold, to help boost my own confidence, to find out what the OM is doing for W, and for my own protection.

Before knowing of my W A, I had this twisted veiw of mysef and was very angry toward myself. How could I have done all of this myself, what did I do to her, why did I want affection from W so much? Looking at some of my questions has focused my worries on myself. W would say to me all the typical, you are not to blame for all of this, I know I did things to to hurt you. She would rattle off the things I was doing wrong, and then would say nothing specifically how she affected the M. Now I know what she did or is doing to ruin our M. Yes, I did not spend as much time with her, but when trying she would make many excuses why she could not. She never wanted to show affection toward me. All of this I can see now because of her A and mental fantsy world. Helping me to realize I am not 95% at fault like W has made me feel.

I know that the OM has provided her a large net of emotional support, a dream land to escape to (her reality is so busy and she is a perfectionist), and secrecy. OM is someone she is finding attractive. This will help me to work on the areas which I know that have fallen by the wayside since starting my own business (which because of the economy and failing M I have decided to close). Being attractive, well I have been working out regularly, though I am not gaining weight or much visible muscle since not being able to eat (stress induced eating disorder as my doctor has stated). Looks will change in time much like mood and well-being, I know.

Lastly, my wife has always had a low-level of anger and holds grudges. I typically am the brunt of her anger. I know that I should have let her talk and never try to fix but knowing now is too late. I feared that she would file a D with a L who has a nastly reputation. This specific L was through a D. Her H was having an A and left this L after H become a L himslef to be with OW (I don't think that R ever materialized). This L will go after every angle. I just want to protect myself and get what I can if it comes to that. I fear this could get very nasty if it goes to that point.

I do want to reconcile with W. I know that it could take a long time. But the other night it sounded like the OM was trying to distance himself from W. I will soon be dropping the intel. I do fear that I could go insane if I continue to listen. I have maybe everything I need.

My overall goals have been to 1) stay relaxed, I get very uptight around wife (maybe last several years, could it have been I sensed something happening to her and never could figure it out- EA). 2) be that guy the nice one, confident one, having goals and aspirations. 3) Be a great dad. 4) Learn everyday especially from mistakes.

Well, it is good to just get things off chest sometimes and a small weigth has been lifted. Thanks for listening and will continue to type. It is definitely calming and helps for clarity. Keep the advise and opinions coming. I am humbled by the support and welcome the knowledge.