Hey Pei, thanks for the kind words. But, oops, I guess I have to keep the feeling sorry for myself in check.
IB, when this all first happened, I blamed myself completely. I wasnt good enough, I wasnt strong enough, smart enough. I was depressed during the marriage, I didnt do enough.
But slowly, I realized two things. Anything I did or didnt do was not done intentionally. I was living my life the best way I knew how at the time.
When I started getting into that mindset, I realized that I needed to forgive myself. And I did. Really and truly.
I knew that I was always a good person. I tried my best. I was a good wife. And that was why I could forgive myself.
But I also realized that there were things about me that needed changing. I looked back at my marriage and saw how I could have done things differently. I realized things about myself that I wanted to change.
So, forgive yourself, IB. You did your best at the time. Now you know better.
It is when we forgive ourselves, that we begin to be able to change and grow.
Because holding onto all that guilt really doesnt get you anywhere. It doesnt change the situation. It doesnt change you. It just weighs you down.
I know it's hard to do that. It took me a long time to stop blaming myself. A really long time.
I dont want to see you do that, too.
So, say to yourself, I am a good person. I might have made mistakes but never knowingly and never with the intent to hurt my h or my marriage and I forgive myself.
Resolve for today that you love your h and yourself unconditionally.
Resolve for today that you will begin to figure out who IB is. She is not just a mother, not just a wife, not just an employee, not just a friend.
You are a strong, loyal, loving person, IB. Believe it.
Then, try to figure out how to be the best IB you can be.
