H pushing Divorce

[beastiemanager]

Thank you trapt, and Eric

This sounds more to me like him wishing her a happy birthday with all he can offer up right now. You can bet he feels guilt like no other among many other things.

Okay, I can see how this could be. He must be feeling tremendous guilt.

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I am in a down mood. OW is likely living with H. Trying to shake this dang feeling like I have to compete with that "Ya-bo." I feel like H is hooked into her for good as she keeps feeding his ego. She does this well. I am trying hard to detach and not react to this.

I can see why.

For good? Are you sure?

See this for what it is, and it's definitely not a real relationship.

Lol, I am not sure of anything! Ya know, I seriously think I have menopause issues happening with my emotions. They get all out of whack often! I take things so ...to a bad place. And I get so down from really, "little things."

Choose to see the good

I am trying to do just that. I have begun with a positive list everynight. I write down all negatives, then I change them to positives. And my positives list is much more than the negative!

BM,


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I am in a down mood.
I am sorry that YOU feel this way. What things do you like to do? Maybe try doing something to take your mind off of all of this chit.

Thanks Eric.
Yeah I have to shake my head, literally, sometimes to stop the obsessive thought.

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OW is likely living with H.
Are you sure?

If not, then try not to let your mind wander.

Well, unfortunately, I am pretty sure this is so. She blabs all over cyber space about everything they do. But I am trying not to react or think about it.

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I feel like H is hooked into her for good as she keeps feeding his ego.
Once again you do not know this for sure. Stop trying to figure out what he is thinking, what is going on. Focus on you right now.

Did I tell you I could win an OScar for best director in "SCARY SCENARIOS?" I am my own worst enemy with those. Lol!
I hear what you are saying. Stop being in his head. Be in my own.

God, I know how hard it is. The only thing that worked for me was trying to get out of the house and do something.

You can do this!

thanks for sharing this. I have a hard time with happy I think. I see that now.

I can do this, I can hang in.

[ericmsant2]

BM

I can do this, I can hang in

Yes you can!

So what areas of self improvement are you working on?

[beastiemanager]

Hello eric
Well, I have been working on Codependency issues for nearly 2 years. Mostly I have worked on letting go, control issues, patience and obsessive thinking. The last of these, the most difficult. No surprise there huh? Lol. These are the areas where I have had to work really hard and improve on.

I have to work on happy.

I also am working on my creative self. I am an artist(starving and not famous :>)) and have been having a hard time to create since this crisis began and even before it. My D"s 25-22 are also artists, my oldest has been helping me, pushing me a bit. I am doing a piece for a show coming up at a tattoo shop. I am looking forward to that. I have also been inspired to do some pieces from this crisis. Going to paint how I feel.

[ericmsant2]

I am doing a piece for a show coming up at a tattoo shop.

Hey BM, I am ready for my next tattoo (I only have one now)...so if you could draw a picture of a broken mask being held by a man...i'd love to see it.

[beastiemanager]

Hey eric..

ok, what kind of mask and what about the man? Any things specific? In mask or man?

[ericmsant2]

Bm,

My view on this is that it is suppose to be a reflection of the new me (NO more masks!).

So I have a mental picture of one of those broken clown masks being taken off of the face of a Hispanic male (dark hair & goat t). The mask should be broken and you should see more of the man face, the mask should be in the hands of the man.

Underneath the mask are the words (in Chinese "I no longer wear a mask"). Oh...I'd like the Chinese letter so that they match the other tattoo I have that says "love conquers all".

Does that help?

Eric

[beastiemanager]

ericm

Sorry it took me awhile to respond. I will give it a try, but it will be awhile. The info helps,yes!

[ericmsant2]

Thanks BM

I hope to get another tatoo in a few weeks. If you cannot come up with anything don't sweat.

How are YOU?

Eric

[beastiemanager]

Hey eric.
Yeah, I don't know if I will get your tat done, but I will try!

I am doing alright!

Ya know, I think I finally have detached. I think I am finally angry with H. In a good way. Like I don't like who he is and I don't want to put up with his antics. I really don't want to be around him when he is like he is. It has taken me FOREVER to get to this place. But it feels good, for me. I have my space free of his chaos. Well, by God, I think I have found some self respect...what?

In a way it is like I don't care. That does not mean I am not standing, but I am just moving along. Like a mom walking away from her child who is throwing a tantrum in the store. Ya know?

But it is weird how it just seemed to sneak up on me...that I have detached. My kids noticed this as well. I know I feel better. I do have some new issues with health..looking at diabetes and insulin in my future. That has helped me to detach a bit. Doc said it is result of stress. Grrrr.

Thanks for asking!

[ericmsant2]

BM,

looking at diabetes

I am a diabetic myself. It can be controlled with diet and excercise. If that does not work, them may put you on metformin, which are just pills.

Take care of yourself. Time to start eating right and yeah...the stress does not help.

Glad to see that you are in a good place.

God Bless,
Eric