Well coach, card idea was mine. The c told me if i wasnt ready for a divorce to find a way to get my w to read them. Since I started this, there has been a major development. Friday night I got a txt from my w saying thank you for the cards. She knew i was going out for a guys night with her brother and friends and she told me to take care of him. I said ur welcome, I will and if he gets out of hand she will see it all on facebook. Left it at that. Well the kids gave her the cards on sat. and sun. and i drove to her place on monday morning. I didnt know but she watched me walk to her car, open the door place the card and a little pink football from my daughter on her seat. About 2 hours later i got a txt "i just did the smartest thing in my life or maybe the stupidest". I asked her what she did. This is her response to me.
"after watching you walk down OM driveway, I realized how much I love you. How much you mean to me and just how much I miss you. I packed all my belongings in my car, drove to work and quit. I have no intentions of speaking to OM or seeing him again. I left him a note telling him that I value my marriage and my family too much and this was all a big mistake. I am taking a chance that you realize that by quiting my job you know how serious I am about this and you are still willing to give me a chance to come back home. I understand if you dont want to, but I do love you and I do want to make this work, no matter what."
Needless to say, I was kind of speachless. I told her to meet me for coffee and I left work. She cried the entire time I was with her. I told her it would be a hard battle, but one that i was willing to fight. I needed the rest of the week to compose my thoughts and see what I wanted to do. She has a place to stay while we work through this. I have committed nothing, but I did tell her she needed a job as I wasnt paying her bills.
So now wwe are in a holding pattern until Saturday. I just need to allow the shock of this to wear off a little so I dont make emotional decisions and give her the control over me and the situation.
So, what does everyone think of this development? kinda took me for a surprise.
It appears that you telling the kids may have been the crisis that made her realize how selfish she was and what she was doing. Hard to say, we can't mind read. You are doing well in not becoming melty man and making her think about, and making her wonder if you will take her back.
Time to think about boundaries for reconcilliation, time to gather your thoughts and dig deep for what you want and how to proceed
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
So, I am having a hard time this week. Not sure what it is I want. She has told her mom that she really wants this, but if I havent changed then it wont be any good for her to come home. So I am like WTF. But I havent talked to her at all. I am leaving it til saturday. I am making a list of boundaries, I have made a plan, and she will need to follow my direction. I am not trying to control her if she comes home, but i have a really good routine with my children. I dont want to lose that. My kids have never been so well behaved, so helpful and such hard workers as they are now. I dont want things to slide back to the way they were.
To let her back into my life will be the hardest part, I wont even let her in my room, she can sleep in the spare bed. I am having my lawyer write up an agreement that within the next 36 months if for any reason this rec. doesnt work out, then she leaves the home and our seperation agreement stays intact as written and filed with the court. I just dont want to have to fight this battle again if this doesnt work.
She has been applying for jobs all week, that much I know and she does have a couple of interviews lined up. I firmly believe she wants her family back. I just dont know if she is strong enough to get through this. She went to a C. one week since she left, decided she hated it so she hasnt gone back. She has done nothing for herself and she admitted that to me. I have to lay down some serious boundaries and swhe will need to accept them. I did tell her to go to her union rep and get her job back, say she was under tremendous stress etc, everyone at her work knows what is going on so hopefully she will get it back. I know pushing her back to her job will allow contact with OM but dam it, in today economy, I refuse to pay my bills and hers. She can request a transfer to another depot, its the post office for petes sake, they always have positions open. This is a short term thing, but she needs to be working.
Well thats my vent for today, thanks for the comments and for reading my post.
Venting here is good. Helps keep emotions out of other things. Hang in there. You can do this.
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Well, she didnt get her job back, I didnt let her move right back into my home, I said we needed to work on it first. So she ignored me and is living back with the OM. Wow, good thing I didnt just let her walk back in. What kinda guy would allow his affair girlfriend pack all of her stuff, quit her job so she didnt have to see him and leave without any notice and then let her come back into his home? well I sent him the txt messages from her to me saying that her love for me was more than just mere feelings she had for him. She is playing games, I told her to talk to me when she has grown up and is prepared for a serious talk. until then she is just the mother of my children and nothing more.
So thought maybe I was on the right track with her, but I guess not. When i didnt give in to her immediate demands she couldnt wait. So her loss.
Well i definitly think they had some kind of argument. The funny part is she is telling the kids she wants to be home with them, shejust has to make sure things can be fixed between mommy and daddy and that we wont fight any more? She doesnt even talk to me. Nothing, not a text or a call. I just explained to the kids that once again Mommy is confused about her feelings. That it doesnt effect our home life in any way. We will carry on with our new routines and have fun as a family. Kids seemed ok with it. They are asking me now if its okay to like the OM, I told them that they have to decide for themselves but that the OM represents our family being in pieces. Daddy will never like or accept the OM but that is my choice to make. So we see what happens next.
