LBS Living...

[ericmsant2]

Irish,

I feel like I am "on" all the time and cannot make any mistakes

You feel this way because you are fighting the changes that must take place in YOU. I did the same. As many have told you this stuff is really really hard. The hardest part Irish is getting to the place where YOU really UNDERSTAND that you must DROP the rope. Does this mean that you are resigning yourself to a D. NO – not in the least bit. It is the acceptance that NOTHING YOU do will “snap” HIM out of HIS MLC.

Irish, it took me a very looooonggg time to get to this place. Very long….IMO, you cannot force it. It will just happen.

So what do you probably need for it to happen?

FORGIVENESS – not forgiving HIM. NO FORGIVING YOURSELF.

We have all made mistakes Irish. Every single person on these boards (even if they don’t admit it). AND we will continue to make mistakes because we are HUMAN.

You are still trying to change for HIM.

When you finally let him go…the changes for YOU will really begin to take form.

When you let him go…you will find what you are searching for..

You will find that deep inside YOU is a VERY strong woman.

A woman strong enough to deal with this.

A woman strong enough to handle the pain.

A woman strong enough to look in the mirror and ACCEPT her role in this!

A woman strong enough to change the things that she does not like about herself AND….

A woman strong enough to NOT carry the burden of all of this on HER shoulder…WHY

Because YOU Irish DID not cause your H’s MLC.

BUT

Your strong enough to wait it out…to outlast it…

Constantly trying to say the right things - do the right things.

Stop “trying”….just be YOU for now. Allow yourself some time to reflect on what YOU have learned so far and then slowly begin to live those changes

It's like I'm always trying to stay balanced

Balance is important for us the LBS’s.

I have had to learn that the balance of…

GAL’ing
Detaching – I had to learn that detaching does not mean YOU fall out of LOVE. On the contrary, detaching allows you to love in a much more mature and healthy way.
Grieving – In order to heal and ultimately reconcile if that is God’s will (and I believe it is), you must go thru a certain amount of grief. It hurts, it sucks, BUT it is needed. The balance comes from recognizing when your grief has turned into depression. So Irish, it is okay to have some chitty days. It is okay to want to spend a day in bed crying. What is not okay….is staying there. Sorry girly…I’m not letting you stay there.

if I could just disappear for a while..

I can this a vacation. AND FTR, a vacation could be many things…a trip to a beach…a day of rest…AND the most important one…a day of giving YOUR mind a break. Read the Divorce Remedy and pay close attention to the section on THOUGHT STOPPING.

What to do differently tomorrow?

Tomorrow you take a STAND for Irish. Tomorrow you say to yourself that TODAY IS NOT THE DAY I QUIT and TODAY IS THE DAY THAT I LIVE FOR IRISH!

I get up and try to be the best person I can

What is the best person you can be? What does it look like? What is important to YOU? Don’t try to be perfect. Don’t fall into that trap. I did and all it did was hurt me. It was an expectation I had of myself that really I could not live up to. No one is perfect. The only ones that think and act as if they are…are….codependents. I was one. Once again, it is a behavior that CAN change.

try not to let anyone down

How about you not let YOURSELF down. Trying to satisfy everyone is a receipt for disaster. Just live for you Irish. Live to CONTINUE (note I did not say start) to be the mom and woman that you are. Loving, caring, kind, compassionate. Whoever cannot accept YOU for YOU…well screw them!

try to be worthy - of value.

YOU ARE WORTHY – JUST the way YOU ARE! Period – no if and or buts about it!

And I feel like I'm standing still and everyone else is living a life around me.

You don’t have to stand STILL, that is… Irish, do me a favor please send me a list of JUST 3 things that you always wanted to do and would like to do say…in the next 3 months. Here is where you should be expanding your energy.

I don't know what or how I'm supposed to feel - act.

Your suppose to feel EXACTLY how YOU feel. The bigger realization that must take place and another one of these things that is hard to accept/embrace is that feelings are just that feelings. They come, they go, they change. Why do you think we all keep telling you to GAL? When you do things that YOU like to do..your feelings will change.

I just try to act like I can make it.

Some will tell you to fact it until you make it BUT I like what PEI posted, “Not making it” should NOT be an option. You need some motivation…look at YOUR kids. You will make it Irish. I have no doubt.

I want what I can't have.

Do you mean that YOU want what YOU want NOW? You see, as God tells us….everything in HIS time NOT OURS. A hard concept to grasp especially if you are impatient. Patience Irish is something that EVERYONE needs to learn. Have ya ever heard of the old saying…”good things come to those that WAIT”?

Now, what YOU can have is even more beautiful…more fulfilling and that is Irish…you can have a new Irish and in time (GOD’s of course) a new M! BUT first the old one must die and must be grieved. In that death, old habits will be shed and new ones will be formed. Then Irish…then….is when you realize what I can see in you…and that is….

YOUR SPECIAL – JUST BECAUSE YOU are YOU!

God Bless,
Eric