You could have responded but I don't think it would have changed anything. He seems pretty blatant about what he wants. the only thing I think is screwy is him demanding/telling you that you hae to move away. You don't have to go anywhere. If you want to stay in your town, why not? He isn't a dictator who gets to decide where you live and when and how. He is understandably upset and hurt but that doesn't mean he gets to tell you where you live and you have agree to everything he says. It doesn't work that way.
In the wise words of one (well, two) great friends here... ClingingToHope and ImprovedRomeo....... Don't be a martyr!
Yeah you were wrong but that doesn't mean you just agree to whatever he wants in the divorce and you leave so he can be happy that you are no longer in his immediate radius.
If you aren't in agreement, contest it. Did your L respond to the petition already? I would advise you do that and soon...
Your mom is on your side and is listening to you on the phone so that is good.
I'm new so take what I have to say with a grian of salt.
That email was VERY aggressive and hostile. I wouldn't put up with it nor dignify it with a response. It was a blatant attempt at controlling you. It also comes across as coming from a very scared and desperate person.
Kudos for not responding.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
They are both very different so were very helpful as a set.
Six Pillars is more a 'thinking & feeling' book - in addition to the six pillars, it has exceptional sections on Self-Assertiveness, Self-Acceptance that I've found very helpful in learning how to speak up when people are being dissmissive and disrespectful to me.
'Self Esteem' however is a very hands-on book - lots of exercises, and explanations eg) on cognitive distortions. Also helpful were the chapters on the roles of compassion, 'shoulds', and how you handle mistakes, in determining your self-esteem.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
You could have responded but I don't think it would have changed anything. He seems pretty blatant about what he wants. the only thing I think is screwy is him demanding/telling you that you hae to move away. You don't have to go anywhere. If you want to stay in your town, why not? He isn't a dictator who gets to decide where you live and when and how. He is understandably upset and hurt but that doesn't mean he gets to tell you where you live and you have agree to everything he says. It doesn't work that way.
In the wise words of one (well, two) great friends here... ClingingToHope and ImprovedRomeo....... Don't be a martyr!
Yeah you were wrong but that doesn't mean you just agree to whatever he wants and the divorce and you leave so he can be happy that you are no longer in his immediate radius.
If you aren't in agreement, contest it. Did your L respond to the petition already? I would advise you do that and soon...
Your Mom is on your side and is listening to you on the phone so that is good.
How is your IC going?
Counselor thinks NOT moving away is a bad idea. I told her last week I'm moving out of the house, but staying in town. She told me I was in denial and grasping at straws hoping he'll change his mind. We'll I'm sure that's true, but this is my decision the time being. Maybe in 3 months I'll decide that moving out of town is the right thing to do, but for now, I need to stay put and carefully plan any steps I take. Running away from my problem isn't the answer for me at this time. Right now I'm looking for a new counselor.
I can't contest the divorce. We're in a no-fault state, so I can only negotiate on the terms of the divorce, but I can't contest it. That's not even an option. I wish it was.
He can have the house, I don't want to be in there without him. But I am not ready to just get out of town either. I'll get nothing out of this divorce. There are no assets to split. I have a job with mediocre pay that supplemented our income and helped us to make ends meet. Neither of us were savers.
The two self-esteem books that helped me the most are: Six Pillars is more a 'thinking & feeling' book - in addition to the six pillars, it has exceptional sections on Self-Assertiveness, Self-Acceptance that I've found very helpful in learning how to speak up when people are being dissmissive and disrespectful to me.
'Self Esteem' however is a very hands-on book - lots of exercises, and explanations eg) on cognitive distortions. Also helpful were the chapters on the roles of compassion, 'shoulds', and how you handle mistakes, in determining your self-esteem.
Just requested both books from the library. Thanks
I'm new so take what I have to say with a grian of salt.
That email was VERY aggressive and hostile. I wouldn't put up with it nor dignify it with a response. It was a blatant attempt at controlling you. It also comes across as coming from a very scared and desperate person.
Kudos for not responding.
That's how I felt when I read it. I can't dignify this with a response. But of course, now I'm questioning it all.
Why do I want a man who doesn't want me? Or have any love left for me? ugh
That's part of the brutal reality that needs to be thought thru.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
