Your sitch was not unlike mine - a child centred M - not knowing about a long standing A- planning behind my back - feeling laughed at - humiliation due to what seemed like everyone in H's business world knowing what was going on yet hiding it from me.....
I hate that he destroyed the exclusivity that our M gave us YET I have gotten to the forgiveness stage but it has taken a long time. Don't give up. Let him prove himself. My H started trying to show how much our M meant much sooner so perhaps forgiving him has been easier for me. I have hurled lots of abuse at him from time to time and he has taken it. He has absorbed my pain and acknowledged it - that truly has helped so much.
I think it is important not to expect too much from oneself sometimes. Yes forgiveness is a choice........but when you are 'able' to do it. I do not believe it can be forced - it has to come from one's heart. I also think one has to recognise one's limitations - hence the fact that I am unable to forgive OW. I no longer care about that......and perhaps I have heaped some of the blame and anger I felt at my H unjustly on to her....but if that has helped me in forgiving my H, ( who is the one who matters to me), then so be it. I am at peace with where I am currently; at peace but not complacent.
There have been so many fantastic posts on this thread. Thank you Lotus for giving me the words with which to start it off.
Last edited by saffie; 10/14/1011:40 AM.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
