You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[ClingingToHope]

Well that was a long night. D11 missed school Tuesday so she had a bunch of makeup work to do and I couldn't get her off to bed until past 10. She's going to be exhausted in the morning.

I hadn't seen either of them since Thursday -- which because of my schedule allowing me to see them after school -- is a long time.

They both were clingy tonight and kind of sad. They wanted to talk about STBXW and I a lot.

I found out from D11 that STBXW still has not told them she filed for divorce. It should be final soon. STBXW is a strange one. Very, very hard to read.

I've been thinking about STBXW too much tonight. I read situations like FIB and his house and BBJ and getting ranting texts from the ex and I don't know what to think about my situation.

I should feel blessed about so many things and I don't. Tonight, for some reason I have this overwhelming sense of rejection. I also have an opportunity to really grow, finish things I've always to finish, meet new people. Sometimes I'm heading in the right direction and sometimes I feel like I'm letting it all slide by.

As I was putting D11 to sleep, she wanted to know about my girlfriends. She's 11 and has been "dating" a boy in her class. Dating at 11 means holding hands at lunch. Well, he moved and isn't on her bus anymore so she doesn't see him much and she likes another boy .... Yikes.

She wanted to know how to let someone down easy. I told her I wasn't good at that. I've had six what I'd call important relationships. And five of the six were ended by my girlfriends. The only one where I ended it was easy. I was 18, she was 16. Her parents were controlling and she wasn't allowed to call me. I got bored of having to jump through so many hoops to see her and ... I just stopped calling.

Serves me right. She won our county fair beauty pageant when she was 18 and is extremely successful and still beautiful -- though single again, divorce gets half of us -- out in Utah. We're Facebook friends now.