"The M you have reached has been disconnected...."

[faithisbelieving]

One of the most difficult days of my life today since the divorce began. Today, I signed away the house I built in 1998. XW will walk away with a reasonable chunk of money. I will walk away.....with a shortfall.

That's right. I won't satisfy all my bills. The market is such that I took a beating on the sale of my house. I guess, I should look at the positive, and be happy I didn't owe more on the mortgage than the value of my home.

Still, after all this time, I feel like a failure. My kids will be crushed even tho' they know this day was coming. Their cousins live across the street and they would simply all spill out into the cul-de-sac and play ball or manhunt. My nephews would walk across the street and just 'hang' to play video games with their 'unk' (me), filling those empty hours when MY kids were not there.

It just sucks.

I am struggling with my choices:

• stay nearby in Divorce City, an apt. complex with all types of loners, no amenities, outdoor shared washers/dryers and have no space...yet be close to my kids
• middle ground: another apt. complex in the next town over, slightly nicer, a 10 minute drive away
• a pricier apt complex, next town over but same school district (not that it matters anyway), but with outdoor swimming pool, garage (?storage), 2 BR with a loft that could be made into another BR, weight room/gym, basketball court, racquetball court and clean newer apt

Both my sisters have offered me to stay there (not for free of course). One lives across the street and the other 2 blocks away. We all bought from the same builder. Well....I just can't for obvious reasons.

I've been honest here from the beginning. I'm crushed. This is my home and I guess there was a little denial going on. I know, in my heart, when it's done, I will do fine. I've survived ILYBIWTRBIML; I've survived over 20 court hearings; I've survived the loss of time with my kids. It's time to lose my house.

There isn't much left on the bone to pick at.

Dunno...just speechless.

I just keep going. Strength and honor.

FIB