Second mediation is tomorrow. I went and FINALLY visited with the bulldog lady b*tch attorney that was recommended by the Country Club. She is a freaking beast! She really has my side on this, told me I could expect to pay zero alimony, only 6-12 months of PSS and nothing else. She laid out all my finances and told me to go into mediation with that. She knew the mediatior and told me that it would be what the mediatior recommended anyways. And, if W didn't agree to it, to just drop her name with the mediator and she'd know I mean business.
Now, with all of that said, I'm not a dirtbag, and am wiling to pay 2 years of PSS, even though I only owe W half of that. I'm a good guy, and I'm not going to watch my W starve... which she would if she didn't have any suppport from me. She was a SAHM for 4 years and I at least owe her the crumbs that the attorney and mediatior said would be "nice" to pay.
I spoke to the L about the current situation with custody and she asked if I had any proof of the arrangement, which I do. It is an email with a calendar of the time/dates of exchanges. She said that is enough until this is settled in mediation. She was floored my W wanted more than 50% custody... said that in my county all the judges are progressive and in 98% of the cases award 50/50, so I have nothing really to worry about. She said that if W as uncomfortable with 50/50 that I could throw her a bone and "ease" our S4 into 50/50 over the next 6-12 months, but I'd want that in writing in the legal S.
So all in all, I'm feeling pretty empowered right now. Doing good.
GAL is going so very well... Sunday I hung out with my football buddies and watched the Cowboys lose. Monday I met up with my banker friend and watched the Vikings game at a local pub. Wednesday night I went and golfed with my son - walked 9 holes, it was awesome. He got a par! At 4 years old!
Tonight, the nice girl that I met at the grocery store and I are going out for a round of golf and drinks at the golf club. Just as friends, but it is nice to be valued again in some regards besides myself.
Thursday I have my son again and I plan on playing baseball with him in the yard and ordering some pizza.
Friday night I'm going to dinner with a friend who is an English Professor at the University - good stimulating intelligent conversation.
Saturday I'm going pumpking picking with my son & W. We do it every year so it'll be fun.
Saturday night I'm going out again probably with my English Professor friend.
Sunday is football day with my son and buddies.
Monday after that is the State Fair - W, son and I are all going.
Tuesday I have my son again, going to golf with him...
... I'm SO busy! But, I'm feeling GREAT. I feel REALLY REALLY good! And, I'm not letting W walk all over my balls. This feels good.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
I'm not going to watch my W starve... which she would if she didn't have any suppport from me.
I'm pretty sure the objective of this mediation and divorce is that she wants to stop being your wife, so you can stop calling her that.
She's not going to starve. Stop rescuing her. Don't be "nice" to somebody who is treating you like crap and who is divorcing you. You'll only confuse them.
Get the best deal you can for yourself legally. If you feel like a derranged year-long Santa, you can do that anyway without having it in legal papers.
Shaking my head. You are still not quite getting it.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I'm not going to watch my W starve... which she would if she didn't have any suppport from me.
I'm pretty sure the objective of this mediation and divorce is that she wants to stop being your wife, so you can stop calling her that.
She's not going to starve. Stop rescuing her. Don't be "nice" to somebody who is treating you like crap and who is divorcing you. You'll only confuse them.
This.
I know it probably makes you feel better to THINK she would "starve" without you, but really, she won't.
John, Why do you continue to placate her? Why do you continue to say you will cave in, pay longer than needed.
I do not understand your need to rescue someone that is trying to tear you and your son's world apart. The one thing I heard time and again, "if you are getting a divorce get the best divorce you can get" You need to man up!
John, Why do you continue to placate her? Why do you continue to say you will cave in, pay longer than needed.
I do not understand your need to rescue someone that is trying to tear you and your son's world apart. The one thing I heard time and again, "if you are getting a divorce get the best divorce you can get" You need to man up!
I know that is harsh, but you are weak.
Hehe. I like this saying.
And Dane is right--stop placating her. She wants out, she wants the separation, so give it to her. Sure she WAS a SAHM but that is about to change. You are not responsible for her wanting out. That is her choice. So you don't have to fund her new life beyond what is deemed legally binding. Mama better find a job Tons of women do it every single day.
I never understand this tendency to try to make the spouse who has decided to divorce "happy" (as if that is even possible) no matter how many times I see it.
People will do all sorts of mental gymnastics sometimes to avoid giving the spouse who wants out exactly what they are asking for: their freedom, and thus total responsibility for their choices and actions going foward.
Any attempt to rescue them emotionally, physically or financially just confuses them because you are actually rewarding questionable or bad behavior, and they (much as they might even want to) cannot respect that. Ask yourself how you would want somebody to respond to you if you were doing the same things, and ask yourself what they would have to do to earn your respect were you doing those things.
This ain't rocket surgery.
Next up, punishing good behavior due to personal insecurity or projecting personal past onto the person. I can hardly wait until we get to that chapter.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 10/13/1009:57 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
John, Why do you continue to placate her? Why do you continue to say you will cave in, pay longer than needed.
I do not understand your need to rescue someone that is trying to tear you and your son's world apart. The one thing I heard time and again, "if you are getting a divorce get the best divorce you can get" You need to man up!
I know that is harsh, but you are weak.
Hehe. I like this saying.
And Dane is right--stop placating her. She wants out, she wants the separation, so give it to her. Sure she WAS a SAHM but that is about to change. You are not responsible for her wanting out. That is her choice. So you don't have to fund her new life beyond what is deemed legally binding. Mama better find a job Tons of women do it every single day.
All true, John.
Me: 24 H: 26 2 SS: 7 & 5; D: 3 H filed D papers: 8/2/10 OW discovered: 08/10 D papers counter-filed: 10/2/10 There is no method to my madness
