No way of knowing what his psyche reveals. All you can go on is what is the here and now.
SOA, were you really happy in your M or was it getting bad?
It wasn't bad, per se, but something was missing, no doubt. I realized reading DR that the fact that you're no longer in the "honeymoon" phase doesn't mean your marriage is broken. We had our problems. Of course, communication was a biggie. If he didn't want to talk about something, he just didn't, period. There were lots of things I wanted to talk about, for instance, the SSM issue, finances, writing a will, making a budget, having friends over, what color we should paint the bedroom, etc. I'd ask him if dinner was good, he'd say "It's ok". That seemed to be his standard answer for everything. I wanted him to say, "Yes, I like it", or "no, I don't like it" but how could everything be just "ok"? I lost a lot of weight and everyone else seemed to notice. I'm sure my perception was flawed, and maybe he payed more attention to me than I thought. Whenever I wanted to talk about something serious, or ML, he was tired, had a headache, etc. Maybe saying he did that every time isn't true, but that's how I felt. So, did we have a bad marrige? No. Did we have things to work on? Yes. If I had read DR before I went "astray" could I have fixed our problems without him even realizing what was going on? Maybe.
