Albuquerque living

[Albuquerque]

Eric,

Trying to still keep expectations at zero. I don't know what the future holds. But I can't deny that things appear to be moving in the right direction.

Received an email from H this morning asking about which IC I had seen because he didn't want to end up picking the same one. In the email he mentioned also possibly pursuing couple's therapy.

I responded by telling him who I'd seen and that while I was open to couple's therapy, I would not consider it while he still had a girlfriend. I told him that I wasn't saying that to force any choices/decisions, and that he needed to take the time he needed.

This was part of his response


The girlfriend thing is rapidly becoming a non-issue. I'll let you know when it's fully a non-issue. That was one of those things that was an attempt, like moving out and trying to change things at work, to address my underlying unhappiness and frustration. Guess what? Still frustrated and unhappy. I was serious when I told you, during our conversation last monday, that no part or area of my life has seen any improvements. I've taken two steps forward and five steps back. There have been a few small successes here and there, but for the most part, this whole experience has been a giant waste of my life and a hurt to everyone else's.

I don't feel like you're forcing anything. In fact, your calm patience has been the killing blow for me. If you had just simply screamed and yelled and threw things, or been a bitch about interacting with D, we would be on very separate roads right now. You did exactly the right thing at the right time. I'm sorry it's taken this long for that to sink through my thick cranium. I'm sorry for a lot of things.

He hasn't said or done anything yet to make me doubt what he is saying. Now, that said, he's been talking about seeing a counselor for weeks now and has yet to make an appointment. So we'll see if that happens. But he's flat out told me he needs to do that because without him fixing himself, our relationship cannot be as strong as it needs to be.

We went out to lunch today because we needed to do some last minute shopping for D's birthday (which is today). He seems less weighted down, happier, lighter. The conversation flowed easily. We talked for hours. When he was going to leave, we ended up having another make out session. Since D wasn't home from school yet, it lasted a lot longer and we ended up getting to second base. He didn't push the sex issue since he knows where I stand on that. And I guess I'm of the opinion that even if he has a girlfriend, I still feel entitled to at least make out with my husband. But then again, it might just me being selfish (but I kind of don't care). He has stated he plans to end things with the OW. I will wait and watch. It kind of scares me that so many changes are happening at once.