Is there any hope for us?

[bustorama]

Keep in mind that I'm far from an expert -

Should she write the letter ot not? I think if it makes you feel better, then do it. What have you got to lose.

I have read on here, over and over, now is not the time to send a letter like that. OTOH, it can be therapeutic for YOU to write it and pour your heart out, get it ALL out and down on paper. BUT DON'T SEND IT! I believe it will, indeed, fall on deaf ears.

It can help you find out where you are at this point in time, things you need to work on yourself and where you want to be in the future.

Again, just my $.02.

I agree 100% with IDU re: writing it, but not sending it and was told the same by my IC. I did a whole Step 8/Step 9 type inventory of all the wrongs I did to my W (not just the EAs -- everything that I could think of) in my R. It is scarily long. I have NOT read it to her and won't until (or if) we ever get to the point of piecing, but it has served at least three purposes:

1) Gave me more empathy for her hurt -- much easier to validate, be patient through the process if I could empathize with her hurts.

2) Showed me what issues I needed to work on/understand with myself (looking for themes in the wrongs).

3) When she brings a hurt up to me, I am prepared to acknowledge it, own it, and express amends re: it.

Think of it this way, SoA. There almost for sure WILL be a time when he brings it up in the future. If you write it out, you will be prepared.