As I mentioned in my previous post, I had an appointment with DS's therapist today. We ended up mostly talking about me though, and ways to make DS understand he can be excited for things at his father's house that make me sad and it still be ok. We also talked about the situation and how I'm not handling it well. She suggested I try meditation to help me learn how to push out unwanted thoughts when they creep into my brain. She said that maybe my feeling of peace that night when I was praying was God telling me that everything is going to be ok so I need to be ok with where my life is right now. She also suggested, which is something I've often pondered myself, that maybe H and I are on this path because God wants me to learn to be more assertive. Since being a doormat didn't work in the marriage maybe standing up more for myself will be more attractive to him.
We talked a bit about the petitions I'm thinking of filing and she said that they would be a form of asserting myself, but agrees that not offering H the option to settle out of court will only create more animosity. She also said I really need to think hard about filing for divorce using the grounds of adultery and does it really matter to me what the papers say, they are only papers and the people reading them don't care what they say. But again, filing under adultery would be a form of standing up for myself and asserting my rights.
This is all so stressful and confusing.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
Feeling both sad and frustrated about H today. H's birthday is next Friday, and in our visitation papers it says on their birthday the parent has access to DS. As it happens DS has a field trip that day to the apple orchard as well. I offered H the option of going to the orchard with DS, and he declined saying he and Whore had a doctor's appointment that day. I then asked if he was going to be taking DS that night and he thought for a minute then said no, he wanted to take him Saturday instead. I agreed, but it both hurts and pisses me off that he is more invested in Whore and the new brat than he is in our son that he won't even spend his birthday with DS. He's going to wait until the next day.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
I want to know if H is aware he can now file on the grounds of no-fault. I don't want to be surprised when he either hands me the papers or has them mailed to me, I want to be able to anticipate them so it hopefully comes as less of a blow. But at the same time, I'm in no rush for a divorce so the longer he stays in the dark about being able to file is fine with me. So I'm torn on asking him if he is going to file or not.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
The only effect bringing it up will have is to speed it up. You know he will file as soon as he can and believe me, OW is watching out for that. She will make him aware of it. Since you know it's just a matter of when not if, do your best to prepare for it but it's out of your control.
So I'm thinking I'm going to e-mail H with the actual figures he owes me and tell him to pay up or I'll pursue it further. I was originally going to settle for a lesser amount but darn it all, I am entitled to the full amount he owes me so I'm not going to settle for an amount over $600 less. I may or may not tell him the other means are through court. I will keep it professional and impersonal, strictly business. I'll do the e-mail through work so I know he'll get it, and I'll be able to do a read receipt so I'll know he read it. I already know to save all copies of e-mails I send him and he sends me in regards to this matter.
How does this sound?
"H, this past weekend I went over receipts from DS's medical co-pays as well as for the car insurance, taking into account the money you have already paid to me. I have discovered that in total you currently owe me $1,518.23. This amount includes October car insurance and the co-pays for DS's most recent doctor appointment and the cover I purchased for your cell phone back in April. Please make arrangments to pay me in cash or money order, it does not have to be all at once. I would prefer we settle this ourselves then have to pursue the money through other means.
Also, please contact my insurance agent, (insert agent name & number), to make arrangements for your own car insurance policy. They are expecting your call."
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
