How should I proceed now? Is there hope?

[NotCrackingUp]

Each episode is the same. Since he told me on Sunday night that he didn't consider me as his wife anymore, I sent no word at all. So I got a message yesterday to ask when and where for the pick-up (children nos. 2 + 3) today. I answered last night with a bare place and time. He answered back with "kisses" and a greeting. Tiny movements, but the consistent element I can observe is this: I step back and don't contact him (even about kids), he steps forward and adds a little warmth to his message. Then if I'm friendly, he retreats a mile. It's so tiny it seems foolish to count it. It's like watching grass grow.
He took the kids this AM in town, I just left them off and said "so long" and walked away.He came back with them this evening while I was out, but was still about when I arrived home. I stayed friendly and distant, he started to prattle on about his schedule this weekend and next week. If I'd asked him, he'd have shouted "rape"! Didn't need to tell me anything.

Just keeping up with the latest. How long will I have to do this little dance? He's ok once he's the one controlling the conversation; any contradiction or question - even from the kids - and his voice gets loud and hard. On the defensive. He'd put things into a bag at the bottom of the stairs; I asked the kids when I came in "what's in the bag?". They're always dragging stuff 'round the house and I thought it was time for a tidy-up speech. He was in the back kitchen and shouted "they're MY things". Came up all flustered and ready for a fight, although my question was not even aimed at him. Who wants his old underclothes and work jeans!
Was similarly affronted when I told him I'd bought a new drum of cooking gas at the garage. That used to be his territory - a drum of gas is very heavy and awkward. It's as if he's gone, but any sign we're ok without him is an affront. He can give info, but you can't ask him anything. And you can't cross him about anything, or he gets very defensive and ready to blow. It's like dealing with an unpredictable new species.

Now I won't see him for a week or the best part of one. And unles there's an amputation or something, I certainly won't text or even answer his texts.
Under the Volcano should be my pseudonym.
NCU