Hi Rondo. It's been a long time. Too bad we couldn't have reconnected under better circumstances. But a little birdie told me of your sitch, I want to come back and give you some support.
I will let your rhetorical questions go as you do know the answers. But you know the drill. You were here a long time ago and understood everything so well. So stick to the basics. At this point, you really have to let your wife get her head together. I wouldn't get into thinking of 180s and no contact. Rather, all you can do at this time is take care of your business. And don't think too much.
From what you are saying you already have a pretty good clue what is going on. Like she said she wants to be married but wants to live separately. It was a good arrangement before so it may be the best arrangement at the current time.
Don't let your brain get in the way. And try not to get too cuaght up in the pain others are experiencing. Hey, that sounds a lot like detaching.
